The 15 Funniest Quotes About Divorce

Thank you to Whip It Out Comedy for their hilarious collection of divorce quotes.

Laugh it off, I say…


15. “Ah yes, divorce…from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” - Robin Williams

14. “The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.” - Johnny Carson

13. “The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.” - Woody Allen

12. “I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.” - Zsa Zsa Gabor

11. “To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy mansion for a while.” - James Caan

10. “I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year.” - Bette Davis

9. “She cried - and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.” - Tommy Manville

8. “I can’t get divorced because I’m a Catholic. Catholics don’t get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.” - Lenny Clarke

7. “I look a divorce this way: it’s better to have loved and lost, then to live with that bitch for the rest of my life.” - Steve McGrew

6. “Marriage isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.” - Larry Gelbart

5. “Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.” - Rich Vos

4. “Workaholicism is such a tough addiction to get over. I had to divorce my wife because she was an enabler.” - Dave Mordal

3. “What happened? Satan was busy?” - Sam Kinison on finding out his wife had hired lawyer Marvin Mitchelson to represent her in her divorce case against him.

2. “I can’t take his genius any more.” - Rita Hayworth on why she divorced Orson Welles

1. “You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they’re worth it.” - Willie Nelson

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Comments

hey, most of the jokes are associated to money! Lol LOl… Where do you collect them from? Would keep some for my collection, lol..

I think the Tommy Manville quote is by far the best. As sad as divorce is, it is great to be able to step back and see the lighter side.

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