How is this Night Different from All Other Nights?
For Israeli families affected by divorce, the Passover season can be a trying time of year.
Consider these three individuals both in Israel and in the US, who asked that their real names not be used. A divorced mother of two toddlers, Jennifer says the Passover seder does nothing to bring her children closer to their father, who lives across the US continent and has hardly seen his kids since the split. Jennifer herself has become Orthodox since the divorce two years ago, and so can no longer attend her parents’ non-kosher seder. Ever since her marriage broke up, she says, the festival of freedom has been “a very sore point for all of us.”
Last time Susan put together a seder in Israel, she tried bringing all the “steps” together: her mother and step-father, her father and step-mother, plus her husband’s mother and step-father. It was, she says, “quite a scene” one for which, not she or her ex, created tension but her parents.
Jessica’s parents divorced when she was seven years old. She remembers splitting Pesach between mom’s English-language seder, stocked with non-Jewish guests, and dad’s Orthodox affair, done all in Hebrew. She says she never felt at home in either setting. …
Are You Single? In Good Health!
Recent studies show that single women have a life expectancy of 1.4 years longer than those who are married!
The reason? Married women usually have children, household chores and more stress in their lives which can ultimately shorten their life!!!
Who knew??
New York Times Pisses Off Conservatives with its Talk of Single Women
Credit to le divorce for the following post:
The New York Times published a story last week about how 51% of American women are now living without a spouse:
William H. Frey, a demographer with the Brookings Institution, a research group in Washington, described the shift as “a clear tipping point, reflecting the culmination of post-1960 trends associated with greater independence and more flexible lifestyles for women.”
“For better or worse, women are less dependent on men or the institution of marriage,” Dr. Frey said. “Younger women understand this better, and are preparing to live longer parts of their lives alone or with nonmarried partners. For many older boomer and senior women, the institution of marriage did not hold the promise they might have hoped for, growing up in an ‘Ozzie and Harriet’ era.”
This apparently did not sit well with conservatives, who immediately accused the New York Times of lying. The National Review called it “cheerleading for divorce.” Rush Limbaugh claims the article is an example of “another far, left-wing, extremist agenda, i.e., the redefinition of a family, the redefinition of traditional family….”
The problem is that for many people the family has been redefined whether they wanted it to be or not. Why are we as a society so threatened by this? So what if the family is redefined?
Instead of attacking the messenger, we should be focused on making sure families- regardless of their structure - work in the best interest of their members.
Creative Ways to Get Rid of Your Spouse
Divorced Parent: Do You Alienate Your Child from the Other Parent?
I have seen some divorce parents consciously distance their children from the other parent? Such actions may only be justified when there is a genuine concern about the children’s emotional or physical safety when with the other parent. But in the absence of past domestic violence, drug or alcohol abuse, physical, sexual, or emotional child abuse, alienating children from the other parent will never bring any good.
Other parents may subconsciously alienate children from the other parent. But whether there is a deliberate move or not to alienate children from the other parent, the same thing will happen. Children will always suffer. Remember children generally fare best when they have the emotional support and ongoing involvement of both parents and parental alienation must be put to an end.
The good news is we can prevent the devastating effects of parental alienation. The key is to begin recognizing the symptoms of parental alienation. After reading the list below, don’t get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. Instead, let the list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children.
- Denying the existence of the other parent. This include actions like denying other parent photo’s within children’s room, avoiding conversations with other parent, ignoring the other parent in public and refusing visitation.
- Criticizing the other parent. This include actions like speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the children, speaking negatively about the other parent’s family and friends, and comparing your children to the other parent in a negative way.
- Placing your children in the middle. This include actions like using them as a messenger, having them act as spies, discussing adult issues in front of or with your children and arguing in front of the children.
- Setting up the other parent to fail. This include actions like failing to inform the other parent of important events, laughing at or making jokes about the other parent, encourage children to disobey other parent and blaming the divorce on the other parent.
- Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities.
- Telling the child “everything” about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce is alienating. The parent usually argues that they are “just wanting to be honest” with their children. This practice is destructive and painful for the child. The alienating parent’s motive is for the child to think less of the other parent.
- Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent causes the child considerable distress. Typically, they do not want to reject a parent, but instead want to avoid the issue. The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for change of residence.
- Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child’s needs.
- A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it’s “okay” to have fun with their other parent.
- When parents physically or psychologically rescue the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child’s mind the illusion of threat or danger, thereby reinforcing alienation.
Now that you have read the above list, don’t get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. Just think and internalize that children generally fare best when they have the emotional support and ongoing involvement of both parents. Therefore, parental alienation must be put to end. Both parents have to work as co-parents.
If you are having difficulty parenting with your children’s other parent then make your move now. Remedy your situation by getting a free copy of my ebook “8 Essential Steps To Cooperative Parenting and Divorce.” Likewise, you can learn effective divorce parenting from my other ebook “101 Ways To Raise ‘Divorced’ Children to Successfully.” For more information, please visit my website.
With the above information, I hope you will become an empowered divorced parent and believe that you can raise healthy, happy and successful children even if you’re divorce.
Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.
About The Author
Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled “101 Ways To Raise Your ‘Divorced’ Children To Success”. Get his other ebook for FREE, “8 Essential Steps to Cooperative Parenting and Divorce.” Visit his web site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com, support@101divorceparenting.com
Britney Spears $19 Million Divorce Settlement
After months and months of drunken and irresponsible behavior, pleas from family members, fans and even Rabbi’s begging Spears to clean up her act - Britney Spears is finally out of rehab.
But that doesn’t mean KFed will just hand over their two sons.
A source close to Federline, 29, told Usmagazine.com that the aspiring rapper and his lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan are “ecstatic, but cautiously focused on Britney’s continuing rehab recovery.”
KFed along with Brit’s mother and his mother have been taking care of the boys while Brit was in the tank. Spears, 25, now has custodial visitation of 18-month-old Sean Preston and 6-month-old Jayden James, and will be granted more custody rights over her children as she proves that she can maintain a stable lifestyle.
“They are not going to return custody to Britney as a reward for doing her stint in rehab. Kevin’s had the children for six weeks and he will continue to have full custody.”
The source adds: “Britney has to really demonstrate she can retain sobriety. She was just introduced into a sober lifestyle. Can she maintain it?”
At least one good thing came out of the rehab: Britney Spears decided that she wanted to finalize the divorce and agreed to give Kevin Federline a $19 million divorce settlement. Federline will get the $19 million lump sum plus half of Spears’ earnings during their marriage and half the proceeds from the sale of their Malibu, Calif., home.
George Clooney to Give Divorce Advice
Goerge Clooney, Alain Delon and Brian Ferry’s ex-wives are set to give divorce advice on new Dutch and French TV shows.
Netherlands broadcasters RTL are producing Ex-Wives Clubs, which will see French actor Delon’s former spouse Rosalie Van Breemen and two other divorces give married women tips on recovering from a break-up.
The idea is also being considered by French channel TF1, who are considering asking Clooney’s ex-wife Talia Balsam and Ferry’s former spouse Margaret Mary ‘Lucy’ Helmore, to give their advice.
Van Breemen says, “A pilot show has been taped and TF1 will probably make a series,” adding the French show would be more restrained that the Dutch version.
The RTL program shows ex-model Van Breemen helped wronged women to move on by burning their wedding dresses.
According to Wikipedia, Clooney has only been married once, to actress Talia Balsam from 1989 to 1993. He says he will never get married again, nor have any children, but Michelle Pfeiffer and Nicole Kidman both bet $10,000 each that he would be a father before he turned 40. They were both wrong, and each sent him a check. He returned the money, betting double or nothing that he won’t have kids by age 50.
Boy Falls from Bridge, Lives, But Decides to Sue Parents
Experts presumed it must have been the strong wind that saved a teenage boy in Nanjing, Jiangsu, who tried to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge more than 60 meters above the water on Monday.
The 17-year-old, surnamed Yu, was saved hours after his jump. A medical examination indicated that Yu’s only problem was a slight bone fracture below the chest.
Experts said the jacket Yu was wearing, filled by strong winds, must have served as a parachute and helped him descend more slowly and land softly on the water.
Now Yu, who jumped because his divorced parents refused to support him, has decided to sue them instead.
The Pro’s and Con’s of Prenups
Prenuptial agreements, or binding financial agreements as they may be known, are no longer an exclusive financial risk management tool for Hollywood couples.
Having seen what can happen when a high-profile relationship fails, increasing numbers of less famous couples are known to be opting for written agreements to protect the financial assets each partner brings to the relationship.
The popularity of binding financial agreements show men and women are taking more financial and legal precautions against a relationship breakdown or divorce, says Jenny Weaver, financial planner of the Sydney, Australia-based wealth-management and stockbroking firm Prescott Securities.
“Most see it as a form of insurance — a legally binding safety net which they hope to never need. These agreements have become increasingly popular among people entering their second marriage and who previously have been through a difficult settlement. While these couples want to protect themselves against potential claims, in many cases they also want to protect the assets they accumulated during the previous marriage for their children’s sake,” she says.
Couples in a defacto relationship may also consider such agreements because living under the same roof for just three months may give someone a financial claim over property.
People have become more pragmatic about such agreements, Weaver says. “Increasingly people have seen what happens in high-profile cases and realize it is far more publicly acceptable to be up front about what they brought into a relationship. I say to people that if you can draw up a binding financial agreement then you will probably find it is much easier to talk about a lot of other more delicate financial matters,” Weaver says.
The desire for greater financial independence among partners has also fueled the debate on running joint or separate accounts in a relationship. The decision depends on each partner’s preference. It is worth remembering in that in many cases, if a relationship breaks down, what is earned during a marriage will be part of the settlement regardless of whether it has been held in a joint or separate account.
Whether to have a “prenup” is as personal a decision as whether to marry in the first place, says Attorney-Mediator Katherine E. Stoner.
Some of the advantages of such an agreement are: to protect your separate property; support your estate plan; it defines what property is considered marital property or community property; it reduces conflicts and saves money if you divorce; it clarifies special agreements between you, and it establish procedures and ground rules for deciding future matters.
“Creating a prenup may actually strengthen your relationship. While people often focus on the fact that negotiating a prenup is potentially divisive, it is easy to lose sight of the fact that communicating about money matters can actually improve the quality of your marriage,” says Stoner.
But, of course, a prenup is not romantic.
“Being engaged conjures up images of candlelit dinners and walks in the moonlight. Although marriage is a financial partnership as well as a romantic one, if you feel that discussing something as mundane as property and finances, as well as the possibility of divorce, will mar an otherwise beautiful time of your lives, you may not be candidates for a prenup,” Stoner says.
Read the pro’s and con’s of prenups here.
Give Your Wedding Ring the Burial it Deserves
I was just notified of a new product for divorced woman called the Wedding Ring Coffin. From their press release:
The Wedding Ring Coffin is a new and innovative product now being offered by Jist Enterprises, LLC. The Wedding Ring Coffin has been designed to give the millions of divorced women and men an ideal, final resting place for their wedding rings.
When the marriage is over, what happens to the wedding ring? Until now, millions of wedding rings have been banished to remote corners of sock and underwear drawers.
The Wedding Ring Coffin is a perfect place to keep a wedding ring that will no longer be worn. Although it’s meant to be a humorous gift, the Wedding Ring Coffin also helps to bring closure to the relationship.
For additional information on the Wedding Ring Coffin, visit www.weddingringcoffin.com.
The press release got me wondering: What did you guys do with YOUR wedding ring? Share your stories or suggestions!
