“Single mothers who put photos of their pre-school kids on their social networking homepages are creating a happy hunting ground for pedophiles.”
The warning comes from Crystal Jacquez, managing editor of Guys and Lies.com, the online back grounding site designed exclusively for women.
“Single mothers almost always do it.” says, Jacquez. “It’s not only incredibly dangerous but worse, most single moms have absolutely no idea that it’s dangerous at all!”
“Think of it,” continues Jacquez, “if you’re one of the tens of thousands of pedophiles with a taste for really young kids, how do you get to them? Children under five or six are just too young to be online.
“So what does this most dangerous form of pedophiles do?” asks Jacquez, “He surfs social networking sites looking for the pages of young single mothers.
Literally, millions of single moms are now on social networks like Facebook and MySpace — and almost all of them proudly show off photos of their kids on their homepages and profiles.
So if you’re a pedophile stalking preschoolers, half an hour of searching out single mothers on social sites and you’ve got a dozen lush candidates – photos and all - just a few key strokes away”.
Not only that, but these predators know that these kids are often protected only by lonely, vulnerable women — women who are looking for men who they hope love children. WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY! It’s a pedophile’s dream!
Read this excerpt from a report in the journal American Psychologist, published by the American Psychological Association, regarding pedophiles stalking pre-schoolers on the internet:
“Finding prepubescent victims directly (on the Internet) is quite rare; such offenders use the Internet in other ways. Pedophiles typically get access to preschool victims through online contact with parents”
“If you have pictures of your child on line,” says Jacquez, “don’t be too surprised to get a message like the following from some nice sounding guy”:
“Hey! I just saw your profile on Facebook and you are one great looking lady — and that little girl of yours is just marvelous looking! She looks so bright etc. etc. etc!”
“You’re going to have a new best friend very soon,” she says. “Count on it!”
Who hasn’t heard of Lolita, one of the most famous books in America, in which the pedophile gets access to the prepubescent daughter by courting her divorced mother. You can still see the movie on cable TV with James Mason and Shelley Winters as the grown-ups and Sue Lyon as Lolita.?
Jacquez also cites the following statistic from: Offender Characteristics, U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics re. Victim-offender relationships in sexual assault regarding who sexually assaults children under 6 years old.
Who assaults children under 6 years old:
Trusted family members: 48.6%
Trusted family acquaintances: 48.3%
“If a pedophile targets your child’s photo on your homepage, trust us,” says Jacquez, “they’ll become a ‘trusted family acquaintance’ soon enough.
“Don’t close down your social network homepages” Jacquez says. “Just get those photos of your kids off them!”
“One thing more thing,” says Jacquez, “when you meet a new guy online, check him out immediately with us at Guys and Lies.com (www.guysandlies.com). Our site is free and was built in order to empower women to check out the backgrounds of guys that they meet online.
“First, check our Child Molesters Section where we access the photos and home addresses of over 360,000 registered sex offenders. Then check him out in our Criminal Records Section. Then check to see if he’s using a phony name. After that, check out all his claims about his background. “There is no way,” she says, “that you can be too careful.”
Jacquez asks you to please forward this article to single moms you know who have their kid’s photos online..
by Deb Mecklinger
Use the following tips to maintain grace, save face and keep your divorce out of cyberspace. When it comes to divorce, DO NOT use Twitter to:
1) Break News: Don’t break your story with a Tweet. Instead, speak.
2) Spread News: Be discreet and keep your story in house. This is not the time to build an audience or extend your audience.
3) Find followers: Don’t use social networking to support your position.
4) Gather Information: Don’t conduct public opinion polls about your soon-to-be-ex-spouse.
5) Speed-link: Don’t use Twitter to enter your Ex’s world or infringe on his/her boundaries, friendships or connections.
6) Vent: Don’t be a twit and share your snit or have a twit-fit about your Ex.
7) Build Your Brand: Create your newfound image off-line. Don’t be a hitter via Twitter in the midst of divorce. Be elegant and develop your new psyche and persona out of the public domain.
8) Follow a Twitter Divorce Leader: If your ex-spouse is tweeting about you, don’t be a Twitter Copycat.
9) Set The Record Straight: A single tweet will live forever. Watch it show up in affidavits, court documents and in the hands of friends, family, co-workers, children and the world at large.
10) Noise making: Don’t get sidetracked by Twitter chaos. In the midst of divorce the multitude of messages can be confusing and overwhelming. Keep it simple and stay focused. Leave Twitter for later.
When it comes to conversation, promotion, and networking, Twitter is King. When it comes to Divorce, discretion, respect and privacy are fighting to reign supreme. While Twitter is fun, engaging and quickly replacing daily conversation, divorce is a process that requires mindfulness and intentionality when communicating and sharing. The temptation to use Twitter in ways that may result in unwanted consequences is particularly seductive for the separating spouse whose self-management skills may be compromised by the divorce process. To ward off the opportunity to Tweet down the wrong street, put Twitter on hold until your Divorce process folds.
Deborah Mecklinger, LL.B., M.S.W., A.T.C.
Thank you to Whip It Out Comedy for their hilarious collection of divorce quotes.
Laugh it off, I say…
15. “Ah yes, divorce…from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” - Robin Williams
14. “The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.” - Johnny Carson
13. “The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.” - Woody Allen
12. “I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.” - Zsa Zsa Gabor
11. “To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy mansion for a while.” - James Caan
10. “I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year.” - Bette Davis
9. “She cried - and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.” - Tommy Manville
8. “I can’t get divorced because I’m a Catholic. Catholics don’t get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.” - Lenny Clarke
7. “I look a divorce this way: it’s better to have loved and lost, then to live with that bitch for the rest of my life.” - Steve McGrew
6. “Marriage isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.” - Larry Gelbart
5. “Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.” - Rich Vos
4. “Workaholicism is such a tough addiction to get over. I had to divorce my wife because she was an enabler.” - Dave Mordal
3. “What happened? Satan was busy?” - Sam Kinison on finding out his wife had hired lawyer Marvin Mitchelson to represent her in her divorce case against him.
2. “I can’t take his genius any more.” - Rita Hayworth on why she divorced Orson Welles
1. “You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they’re worth it.” - Willie Nelson
By Annie Groer
The Washington Post
Of all the dislocation and pain associated with divorce, one thing is certain. The wife or the husband, or maybe both, will have to leave home. No more morning coffee and newspaper on that sunny porch. No more view from the kitchen sink of the oak tree that once was a tiny sapling. No more shrieks and giggles from the kids’ playroom, or family celebrations at a table set with the “good” china.
For the spouse who decamps, home becomes a hastily rented apartment, a friend’s spare room or an unfamiliar, empty house. Routines vanish, along with a sense of place in the world. The task of rebuilding - from picking up the emotional pieces to picking out a new sofa - looms large.
“It’s a major loss of one’s life, a loss of possessions, the death of a dream, of expectations, of objects that defined you and the life you once had,” says Judith Bernardi, a Silver Spring, Md., psychologist.
“Whether you are the leave-ee or leave-er, there is something about starting over,” says Dan Couvrette, whose own breakup 12 years ago inspired him to publish Divorce magazine, aimed at those he calls “Generation Ex.”
The first challenge often is to find a new home, says Couvrette, who lived with a friend in Toronto for three months while vainly hoping to reconcile. Then he bought a house.
“I had three chairs for the living room but needed a couch. I had a microwave but needed a TV. My mother bought me a new set of dishes and cutlery,” he recalls.
He and his ex split their art collection and he retrieved the sofa, which only reminded him of loss.
“I remembered that we moved it four times, that it was where the family gathered. It wasn’t a happy period for me, so the space didn’t make me feel any better.”
The U.S. Census Bureau projects that as many as half of the 2.2 million marriages annually could fail for first-time brides and grooms under age 45; second marriages are even riskier, with a 60 percent divorce rate. That represents a great many separate dwellings to furnish each year.
“Marriage and divorce are the two life stages that stimulate the most furniture purchases,” says New York-based marketing strategist J’Amy Owens, whose clients include home furnishings retailers. She speaks from experience, having been married and divorced twice. After her first breakup, she painted the living room vivid red and filled it with white and floral furniture; after the second, she bought and completely gutted a home.
“Women will start nesting instantly,” says Owens. “Most men on their own are like bears in a cave. They have some funky lamp they can read by, a La-Z-Boy chair. … It’s really bleak — a mattress on a frame, no headboard, no nice linens.”
Brette Sember, a former divorce lawyer outside Buffalo who has written four books on the subject, agrees. Women, she says, tend to redecorate immediately and often go girly in their homes. If men can afford to, they go high-tech, and seem able to tolerate low- to no-style interiors for a longer period than their onetime wives.
“He is wiring the house. He buys electronics, a big-screen TV, expensive stereo stuff, a computer, a laptop. Those are the toys he wants,” she says. In time, he will also acquire “a nice comfy couch and a recliner. No table. They would eat on the couch.”
Such behavior melds acquisition therapy with a frat-house ambience. “It’s like being a single bachelor again,” observes Sember. “They are starting over the way that makes them feel happy.”
There are, certainly, ex-husbands who make decisive moves to resettle: hit a store, buy the basics and get it over with, says Amy Johnson, furniture manager of the Crate & Barrel in Tysons Corner, Va. “Some are just angry that they have to start over with nothing, but some look at it as a new beginning. `I need a bed, a sofa, a table.’ They are just looking for the essentials.”
Children add an element of urgency in setting up a new home.
“Men realize the children need to be comfortable. If school-age kids are saying, `Where is the kitchen table?’ or, ‘Here’s a bed, but where do I put my clothes?’ it will hit home sooner,” Sember says.
“Often the woman remains in the home where they were together, particularly if there are kids. So she still has a sense of home,” Sember adds. If she can afford it, “she is out buying canopy beds, wicker furniture for the bedroom, really feminine things. I know a woman getting a divorce who wanted pink sheets. Such women no longer have to incorporate that masculine thing in their home.”
The bad news about splitting up is that you have to start over. For some people, that may also be the good news.
What we might think of as “divorce decor” can be liberating, an opportunity to follow an interior design muse, say some experts. Why not choose swagged and tasseled bedroom curtains, or throw out the hulking recliner, or replace that fussy Victorian parlor suite with chrome tables and low-slung leather sofas?
Decorator Darlene Mathis, who owns Collectibles Gallery in Washington, has a client who took only the artwork in her amicable parting from a beige-loving husband who couldn’t bear strong colors.
“She now has a celadon green kitchen, a cherry bathroom and one room that is sun yellow with a floral sofa — something he never wanted to see. She calls it her `coming alive room.’” says Mathis. “One of her frequent comments is she can put her beautiful bedspread on the bed and not have to worry about his shoes, his newspapers.”
Many divorces are marked by the sort of pitched battles over possessions found in novels, movies and celebrity magazines. Since post-divorce money is often tight, such fights may be purely economic.
But not always.
“It isn’t the intrinsic value, but an opportunity to torture each other,” says Edie Guidice, a family mediator in Silver Spring, Md.
“Sometimes the impetus for one party is just to get out, and furnishings are a low priority, so they agree to give it up. Sometimes they say, `It’s my Great-Aunt Tillie’s, and I don’t care if I was the partner at fault, I want that bureau or my childhood toy chest,’” she adds. “Sometimes they fight over every little scatter rug, lamp, kitchen utensil. They go down to dividing up the potato peeler.”
“The things take on meaning,” says Bernardi. “If you are civilized, you take what you brought into the marriage and divide what you bought together. If you feel you have been victimized, you will fight over the stuff.”
Interior designer Sarah Boyer Jenkins of Chevy Chase, Md., remembers a couple who fought bitterly over an antique highboy. “It came in two sections and neither wanted to give in. I said, ‘Can’t you put this together in some way so that your children will have the piece intact?’ They did not. My client had the top, which was a little difficult to use. I don’t know if the highboy ever got back together.”
I have three philosophies in life:
1) Divorce is NOT the end of the world.
2) Laughter is the best medicine.
and 3) Whoever said money cant buy happiness… doesnt know where to shop.
Put those all together and what do you get? Amusing divorce gift ideas for yourself or your loved ones - just in time for Valentine’s Day!
Here are some of my favorites:
Never curl up on the couch alone again, with this comforting arm that wraps around you as if to say, “I’m sorry work was rotten today,” or “No, you pick what we watch tonight,” all the stuff you’d never hear from a real husband. Get it here.
Totally silent, wastes no time, spends no money, toilet seat is always up, won’t crash your car, totally faithful and she floats. About 3 1/2 feet tall. Sorry, no holes. Get it here.
Sometimes it’s good to have a little theological debate. This sign can easily be hung on your front door, plus it’s a great way to let your neighbors know what you’ve been up to! Get it here.
Have you been looking for a new knife block for your kitchen? The Voodoo Knife Set is fun, functional and stylish. Your future suitors will get the “point”: You are not someone to be messed with! Get it here.
Ex-Husband Toilet Paper: Erase a bad memory with every single wipe. More fun than therapy. Get it here.
And screw Valentine’s Day.
I came across this beautiful and inspiring video - A must-see for any Dad (or Mom actually).
As I was watching it, I couldnt help think how important this message is especially for divorced parents.
Remember: Your child is watching you.
LuvemOrLeavem wants you to send them your videos of you or you and your friends singing The Divorce Party Song, “You’re Free!”
Remember Ladies, this contest is about having fun and winning great prizes, so don’t stress about you’re singing voice.
The grand prize pack will include:
- 80GB iPod Classic from LuvemOrLeavem.com
- Designer Drink Garnishing Kit from Dress the Drink
- Chocolate Delicacies from Art By Chocolate
- Divorce-tini Martini Glass from Designs by Lolita
- Latest release from Divorce Party Songstress, Carrie Johnson
- Custom Divorce Party Video by Fodeo
For more information, go to official contest page of LuvemOrLeavem.
May the best single gal win!
I came across this really funny post on on this blog about people’s misconceptions of holiday time in divorced families. As Kristine puts it:
“I’ve heard some pretty odd misconceptions and generalizations that people make about divorced families, but by far the funniest I’ve ever heard was of a person who assumed that people in a divorced family didn’t eat a traditional Thanksgiving meal, as if the right and ability to throw a turkey in the oven was somehow written into the marriage license. Once revoked, it’s pizza and Chinese takeout, poor souls.”
Now, excuse me while I go make a funky turkey dog of my own…
Infidelity dissected: New research on why people cheat
The probability of someone cheating during the course of a relationship varies between 40 and 76 percent. “It’s very high,” says Geneviève Beaulieu-Pelletier, PhD student at the Université de Montréal’s Department of Psychology.
“These numbers indicate that even if we get married with the best of intentions things don’t always turn out the way we plan. What interests me about infidelity is why people are willing to conduct themselves in ways that could be very damaging to them and to their relationship.”
The student wanted to know if the type of commitment a person has with his or her loved ones is correlated to the desire of having extra-marital affairs. “The emotional attachment we have with others is modeled on the type of parenting received during childhood,” she says.
According to psychologists, people with avoidant attachment styles are individuals uncomfortable with intimacy and are therefore more likely to multiply sexual encounters and cheat. But this has never been proved scientifically, which is what Beaulieu-Pelletier attempted to do in a series of four studies.
The first study was conducted on 145 students with an average age of 23. Some 68 percent had thought about cheating and 41 percent had actually cheated. Sexual satisfaction aside, the results indicated a strong correlation between infidelity and people with an avoidant attachment style.
The second study was conducted on 270 adults with an average age of 27. About 54 percent had thought about cheating and 39 percent had actually cheated. But the correlation is the same: people with an avoidant attachment style are more likely to cheat.
“Infidelity could be a regulatory emotional strategy used by people with an avoidant attachment style. The act of cheating helps them avoid commitment phobia, distances them from their partner, and helps them keep their space and freedom.”
Both these studies were followed up by two other studies that asked about the motives for infidelity. The will to distance themselves from commitment and their partner was the number one reason cited.
Her studies revealed no differences between men and women. Just as many men and women had an avoidant attachment style and the correlation with infidelity is just as strong on both sides. “Contrary to popular belief, infidelity isn’t more prevalent in men,” she says.
I say : look at the results
Academic divide linked to divorce
WOMEN with tertiary educations who choose as a partner men who have not finished high school are 10 times more likely to separate or get divorced than women whose education is less than or equal to their partner’s.
The finding is contained in a new study by researchers at the Australian National University commissioned by the federal Government, which looks at the factors behind the break-up of Australian families with children.
The project used Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia survey data to investigate the factors that preceded the end of relationships.
The research, conducted by ANU’s Centre for Mental Health Research and the National Centre for Epidemiology and Population Health, considered whether mental health problems, hazardous levels of alcohol consumption and smoking were associated with divorce or separation. It found that education was a key factor in relationship stability.
“Compared to couples in which partners had similar levels of educational qualifications, those couples in which women reported tertiary qualifications and men reported not completing high school had a tenfold greater risk of divorce/separation,” it says.
“This may reflect two factors. Firstly, women’s educational attainment may be a proxy for financial independence and, thus, the opportunity for women to support themselves outside of the marriage. This removes a potential barrier to divorce or separation.
“Secondly, these couples may experience greater conflict or dissatisfaction within the relationship, perhaps associated with the fact that they are not fulfilling the traditional gendered roles within marriage.”
The analysis found couples with the opposite pattern of educational attainment — where men had the tertiary qualifications and women did not complete high school — did not demonstrate an increased risk of subsequent marital instability and, if anything, showed greater than average stability.
The lowest rate of separation was found among couples where both partners reported tertiary qualifications.
The study also found there was no association between alcohol consumption and relationship instability.
But couples in which women were smokers — regardless of whether the male partner smoked — were at increased risk of divorce or separation.
“We consider that this reflects the effectiveness of women’s smoking as a marker of social and economic disadvantage and adversity,” the report says.
The study found that marital stability was associated with the birth of a child within marriage and older age at marriage, and that religion was important in the couple’s lives.