Treat Yourself to a Divorce Gift (Just in Time for Valentine’s Day)
I have three philosophies in life:
1) Divorce is NOT the end of the world.
2) Laughter is the best medicine.
and 3) Whoever said money cant buy happiness… doesnt know where to shop.
Put those all together and what do you get? Amusing divorce gift ideas for yourself or your loved ones - just in time for Valentine’s Day!
Here are some of my favorites:
Never curl up on the couch alone again, with this comforting arm that wraps around you as if to say, “I’m sorry work was rotten today,” or “No, you pick what we watch tonight,” all the stuff you’d never hear from a real husband. Get it here.
Totally silent, wastes no time, spends no money, toilet seat is always up, won’t crash your car, totally faithful and she floats. About 3 1/2 feet tall. Sorry, no holes. 
Get it here.
Sometimes it’s good to have a little theological debate. This sign can easily be hung on your front door, plus it’s a great way to let your neighbors know what you’ve been up to! Get it here.
Have you been looking for a new knife block for your kitchen? The Voodoo Knife Set is fun, functional and stylish. Your future suitors will get the “point”: You are not someone to be messed with! Get it here.
Ex-Husband Toilet Paper: Erase a bad memory with every single wipe. More fun than therapy. Get it here.
And screw Valentine’s Day.
Im Watching You Dad
I came across this beautiful and inspiring video - A must-see for any Dad (or Mom actually).
As I was watching it, I couldnt help think how important this message is especially for divorced parents.
Remember: Your child is watching you.
The Already Left’em Video Contest
LuvemOrLeavem wants you to send them your videos of you or you and your friends singing The Divorce Party Song, “You’re Free!”
Remember Ladies, this contest is about having fun and winning great prizes, so don’t stress about you’re singing voice.
The grand prize pack will include:
- 80GB iPod Classic from LuvemOrLeavem.com
- Designer Drink Garnishing Kit from Dress the Drink
- Chocolate Delicacies from Art By Chocolate
- Divorce-tini Martini Glass from Designs by Lolita
- Latest release from Divorce Party Songstress, Carrie Johnson
- Custom Divorce Party Video by Fodeo
For more information, go to official contest page of LuvemOrLeavem.
May the best single gal win! 
Post-Divorce Turkey Eating Privileges
I came across this really funny post on on this blog about people’s misconceptions of holiday time in divorced families. As Kristine puts it:
“I’ve heard some pretty odd misconceptions and generalizations that people make about divorced families, but by far the funniest I’ve ever heard was of a person who assumed that people in a divorced family didn’t eat a traditional Thanksgiving meal, as if the right and ability to throw a turkey in the oven was somehow written into the marriage license. Once revoked, it’s pizza and Chinese takeout, poor souls.”
Now, excuse me while I go make a funky turkey dog of my own…
Changing Fidelity Norms?
Infidelity dissected: New research on why people cheat
The probability of someone cheating during the course of a relationship varies between 40 and 76 percent. “It’s very high,” says Geneviève Beaulieu-Pelletier, PhD student at the Université de Montréal’s Department of Psychology.
“These numbers indicate that even if we get married with the best of intentions things don’t always turn out the way we plan. What interests me about infidelity is why people are willing to conduct themselves in ways that could be very damaging to them and to their relationship.”
The student wanted to know if the type of commitment a person has with his or her loved ones is correlated to the desire of having extra-marital affairs. “The emotional attachment we have with others is modeled on the type of parenting received during childhood,” she says.
According to psychologists, people with avoidant attachment styles are individuals uncomfortable with intimacy and are therefore more likely to multiply sexual encounters and cheat. But this has never been proved scientifically, which is what Beaulieu-Pelletier attempted to do in a series of four studies.
The first study was conducted on 145 students with an average age of 23. Some 68 percent had thought about cheating and 41 percent had actually cheated. Sexual satisfaction aside, the results indicated a strong correlation between infidelity and people with an avoidant attachment style.
The second study was conducted on 270 adults with an average age of 27. About 54 percent had thought about cheating and 39 percent had actually cheated. But the correlation is the same: people with an avoidant attachment style are more likely to cheat.
“Infidelity could be a regulatory emotional strategy used by people with an avoidant attachment style. The act of cheating helps them avoid commitment phobia, distances them from their partner, and helps them keep their space and freedom.”
Both these studies were followed up by two other studies that asked about the motives for infidelity. The will to distance themselves from commitment and their partner was the number one reason cited.
Her studies revealed no differences between men and women. Just as many men and women had an avoidant attachment style and the correlation with infidelity is just as strong on both sides. “Contrary to popular belief, infidelity isn’t more prevalent in men,” she says.
I say : look at the results
10 Times More Likely to Separate or Get Divorced!!!
Academic divide linked to divorce
WOMEN with tertiary educations who choose as a partner men who have not finished high school are 10 times more likely to separate or get divorced than women whose education is less than or equal to their partner’s.
The finding is contained in a new study by researchers at the Australian National University commissioned by the federal Government, which looks at the factors behind the break-up of Australian families with children.
The project used Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia survey data to investigate the factors that preceded the end of relationships.
The research, conducted by ANU’s Centre for Mental Health Research and the National Centre for Epidemiology and Population Health, considered whether mental health problems, hazardous levels of alcohol consumption and smoking were associated with divorce or separation. It found that education was a key factor in relationship stability.
“Compared to couples in which partners had similar levels of educational qualifications, those couples in which women reported tertiary qualifications and men reported not completing high school had a tenfold greater risk of divorce/separation,” it says.
“This may reflect two factors. Firstly, women’s educational attainment may be a proxy for financial independence and, thus, the opportunity for women to support themselves outside of the marriage. This removes a potential barrier to divorce or separation.
“Secondly, these couples may experience greater conflict or dissatisfaction within the relationship, perhaps associated with the fact that they are not fulfilling the traditional gendered roles within marriage.”
The analysis found couples with the opposite pattern of educational attainment — where men had the tertiary qualifications and women did not complete high school — did not demonstrate an increased risk of subsequent marital instability and, if anything, showed greater than average stability.
The lowest rate of separation was found among couples where both partners reported tertiary qualifications.
The study also found there was no association between alcohol consumption and relationship instability.
But couples in which women were smokers — regardless of whether the male partner smoked — were at increased risk of divorce or separation.
“We consider that this reflects the effectiveness of women’s smoking as a marker of social and economic disadvantage and adversity,” the report says.
The study found that marital stability was associated with the birth of a child within marriage and older age at marriage, and that religion was important in the couple’s lives.
Same-Sex Divorce? New York Got Your Back
A New York judge recently ruled that the divorce between two women could continue. According to Law.com, the couple was married in Massachusetts but can now obtain their divorce in New York.
Supreme Court Justice Rosalyn Richter could not find a reason “to carve out a unique exception for the parties” simply on account of their gender or sexual orientation.
According to the couples’ lawyer, Nancy Chemtob, the decision is a first of its kind because it is the first time a judge has “afforded full faith and credit” to a same-sex marriage that occurred in the U.S.
Or in other words: homosexual couples now have the Right to Get Legally Screwed just like everyone else.
God bless America.
The Whitest Kids U Know - The Divorce Story
Trevor tells his class about the problems between his Mom and Dad.
Earthquake in Zipland Addresses Fears of Children Whose Parents Get Divorced
By STEPHANIE OBLEY
A new therapeutic tool for helping children deal with divorce may appeal to kids in a way nothing else will – as a computer video game. Earthquake in Zipland debuted last year and is a quest-style game that follows the struggles of Moose, the son of the King and Queen of Zipland, a small paradise island held together by a zipper. An earthquake rips the island in two, leaving the king and queen on separate islands, and Moose sets out to build a new zipper to bring the islands – and his parents – back together. He also has a journal to record his thoughts and feelings throughout the game.
The game – designed for ages 7 to 13 – doesn’t mention divorce directly but Moose’s struggles parallel those experienced by children during and after a divorce. The game reaches children on their level, said Chaya Harash, President and CEO of Zipland Interactive and also a family therapist for the past 25 years. “The main concern is how to reduce the pain of the children as much as possible,” she said. “That’s their language, playing video games. It was a challenge to combine a serious issue like divorce with a video game.”
Research from fields like psychology, and family and child therapy, were incorporated into the game, Harash said. First, problems faced by children going through divorce were considered – guilt that they caused the divorce, anger, fear, loss, loyalty to their parents. Then episodes of the game were built around those issues. “There is such a need,” she said. “When I see the effect the game has on children, I think there are so many more that need it.”
The game works best when parents play with the children, Harash said, adding that the ending of the game was a challenge to work out. “On the one hand, Moose has to finish the game, and on the other, he can’t bring his parents back together,” she said. “I think we came up with a very nice solution.”
A SAFE PLACE
Elizabeth Einstein, a marriage and family therapist in New York and author of several books, including “Strengthening Your Stepfamily,” said she has used the game in sessions, sent it home with families and also taken it with her to national workshops to share with other professionals. It offers a place for kids to feel safe and express their feelings, she said.
“Zipland provides a safe place for kids to work through some of their feelings in a subversive atmosphere that is fun,” she said. “Most kids like video games and here’s a very healthy, useful one. The children felt safe practicing in the journal until they had the courage and skills to transfer them to the parents directly.”
She recalled one situation with a 9-year-old boy who had problems with anger after his parents’ divorce and his father’s decision to move in with his girlfriend. Einstein said the boy acted out at school and also with his 3-year-old sister.
“In one emotionally powerful session, he admitted he was scared because he feared he might not be able to stop hurting her and would kill her,” she said. “When we used the Zipland game, he stayed with the journal lots and mostly wrote angry, angry, angry and we processed that intense anger and brought in his father for several sessions too.”
Through the game, the boy learned to talk openly about his feelings, Einstein said, and work through them with his father. The game should also be used in conjunction with other therapy techniques, Einstein said. “Children need to eventually learn skills to speak directly about their feelings,” she said. “My work generally, and ideally, involves various family members together. The game can be used in advance of that touchy work to prepare children who always fear their parents will be mad at them if they tell them how angry they are that their family has changed forever.”
OPENING THE DOOR
Lee Rosen, president and founder of Rosen Law Firm in North Carolina, is always looking for tools to help clients and their children get through divorce. When he learned about Earthquake in Zipland, it seemed natural to start giving it to clients with children in the game’s age range.
It seems to reach children on their level, he said, moreso than books. “If it feels like homework to them they’re more likely to resist,” he said. “With a computer game, it’s something they want to do.”
Rosen said he has heard from parents that the game allows them to broach difficult topics they might not otherwise get their kids to talk about. “It helps to open the door to conversation,” he said. “That seems to be the most appealing part of using the game.”
Harash herself went through divorce more than 18 years ago. She has two children, one who she said was open to discussing the divorce and one who was reluctant. Since the game has been developed, she and her now-grown daughter have been able to talk about things they never did before. “It gives us an opportunity to talk about issues we didn’t talk about at 14,” she said. “It was worth it just for that.”
Stephanie Obley worked for several years as an award-winning journalist in Kansas, Florida and Utah, covering everything from crime to the environment. She now lives in South Carolina with her family and writes freelance articles.
How Men Get Screwed in Divorce
UPDATE: In light of the ongoing popularity of this article and the passionate opinions of my readers, I have dug up this post from the archives and re-published it. Thank you all for your comments.
I found the following article at AskMen and thought that it was time the Man’s voice was heard:
***
Nothing can dishonor a knight like divorce. Just look at Sir Paul McCartney, a man whose iconic name has been flung in the mud over his recent marital collapse, with accusations of abuse sullying his reputation. He was fooled by the honeymoon phase and now he can really say, “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.” But hey, he’s not the only one. It’s no wonder chivalry is dead. Supposedly seven out of 10 divorces are initiated by women. While there are no hard statistics, wouldn’t you agree that maybe nine out of 10 marriage proposals are also initiated by women? A study done by two men named Kuhn and Guidubaldi found that a “gender bias” in the court system makes divorce an inviting idea to the ladies. Why wouldn’t it? Women tend to keep the kids, the house, the dog, the car, and half the property. They get to keep the rock, too. This suggests that not only are men getting screwed by the marketing of the De Beers diamond corporation during the engagement, but the actual judicial system is also stacked against guys during the divorce. Everyone suffers during a divorce, but men have a few special issues to deal with, including fallout from emotional investment, lame-duck custody battles, clashes over property, tarnished reputations, and the depressing aftermath. Marriage is not a bad thing, but divorce is like a 10-car pileup in the middle of a man’s life. Here are some of the great life experiences newly divorced men have to look forward to.
- Betrayal
Obviously, women don’t set out to be gold diggers, but divorce - like death - can turn otherwise good people into bloodthirsty wolves. Perhaps a few sharks go into marriage thinking of money, but for most women, marriage only becomes a business investment once it has failed emotionally. At first, love is honest, and it comes easy when a man only has his dreams. By the time he owns a German automobile, the thrill is gone. Perhaps she’s laying the landscaper like sod when she has her epiphany: “I could make a lot of money from this sucker. And I deserve it.” In hindsight, taking initiative and working hard — let’s say you wrote a ditty called “Hey Jude” that did quite well — was a mistake. Motivation is like an open sore that invites mosquitoes through the window and into the bedroom. From the kids to the house, men leave a marriage with nothing. In some ways, her feeling of entitlement is a result of propaganda, starting with fantasies that promise an emotionally perfect life. Alas, reality cannot live up to cartoons. Women are trained to find a man with motivation from the beginning, starting with Disney classics like Cinderella (poor rag lures wealth under false pretences), Lady and the Tramp (uppity b*tch-hound hopes to make over motivated mutt) and Sleeping Beauty (catatonic do-nothing wakes up to unearned riches). Thank you very much, Walt.
- Custody
The term for fathers who are shouldered out of their kids’ lives is “throwaway dads.” A century ago, kids were considered the father’s property, but the historical shift in child-custody cases has turned Dad into a villain. According to Divorce-Lawyer-Source.com, 70% of divorces involving children result in the mother getting custody. Read that again: seven out of 10. If the odds in Vegas were as good as a woman’s odds in court, men could quit their jobs and enjoy a never-ending bender at the Mirage casino. This “throwaway” idea impacts the kids and society. It leads to an increasing number of single-parent households, and if you’ve ever watched the TV show Cops, you’ve seen how it also leads to plenty of wasted government resources when Mother calls in the uniformed men to tell “Junior” to stop sassing her. Since when did the police become daddy to the masses? The answer: Since daddy lost his shirt in court.
- The House
Common sense states that the one who made the payments should get the house and car. But this is the 21st century, and common sense has joined the likes of Zeus and Bigfoot as a lovable myth of the past. Sentimental value and emotional attachment have more sway with the judge than a mere 20 years of mortgage payments. Open up Excel, and check to see if Microsoft has programmed a wizard for “sentiment and emotion.” It can’t be calculated. Therefore, overreacting in court and going into histrionics akin to the ending of Hamlet is the best way to plead. Literally, the best supplication wins the heart of the biased black robe. Even if a man isn’t a fan of country music, after he loses his house, he will suddenly understand those depressing ballads dedicated to “Big D” misery. But certain statistics are bigger tearjerkers than music, such as the fact that the average divorcé sees his net worth drop 77%. On a positive note, the wife will probably let the man keep his depreciated pool table, and he’ll certainly have time to brush up on his nineball skills.
- Reputation
A man’s reputation is easily tarnished if the woman even hints of “abuse.” Keep in mind that nothing has to be proven, but the man’s name is immediately soiled like a diaper with pureed carrots. What’s worse is that “abuse” can mean nearly anything. An argument in a relationship could be construed as “verbal abuse,” but the headline will drop the “verbal” and keep the “abuse.” On the flip side, some guys are wifebeaters and deserve to have the book thrown at them, but the allegation of “abuse” has become as loaded as the word “terrorism.” Battery is a crime (as it should be), but a shouting match between two normal angry people cannot be compared to physical abuse. You know what’s next on this slippery slope? A guy will eat some spicy chili, use the john and he’ll be in the slammer for olfactory abuse.
- Poverty
Some states, such as New York, allow the career homemaker to collect alimony for the rest of her natural life. That’s after the kids are grown up and have started their own broken families. The man still has to pay while the ex is couched, Cheeto-stained and catching a rerun of Judge Judy followed by Maury Povich (”You ain’t my baby’s daddy!”). Thankfully, most states aren’t this extreme, and many factors go into determining the proper amount on a case-by-case basis. For example, some men pay month to month, while others pay a lump sum each year. Of course, dads only become “deadbeat dads” when they don’t have the lump on time. They may have forked over a lump of $10,000 for 10 straight years, but that’s all water under the bridge. If life takes a hard turn that men aren’t prepared for, they still have to pay alimony. The horror stories associated with bankrupt men have brought about some change in how alimony works, but each state has different rules, and as such, the divorce industry thrives on the confusion. If the divorced man remarries, alimony owed takes precedence over his new family. His new life will always have a shadow over it, like Frodo and his ring. The good news is that if the ex remarries, the divorced man is freed of his duties. The bad news is that if she just shacks up with the landscaper and “cohabitates,” then the divorced man must continue to pay.
- Loneliness
In the post-divorce wasteland, a man will feel like he just crawled out of a bunker after a firebombing. His community is gone and the world is cold. When he walks into his favorite pub, he’s a foreigner. The world hasn’t changed, however — only he has. While he was saying “yes, dear” to dinner parties, he lost track of college football and can’t even remember who played in the Super Bowl last year. The wasteland phase is utterly depressing, and men are prone to making poor decisions in the aftermath. According to WebMD, divorced men are two and a half times as likely as married men to commit suicide. Although women must walk the wasteland, too, they tend to cope with the fallout in a more constructive way. Men go for flings and seek out old flames. A failed marriage is a millstone around a man’s neck, and because men tend to stifle their pain, they suffer alone. Case in point: According to a Yorkshire Building Society study, 56% of divorced men say they rue their failed marriage, while only 45% of divorced women have regret.
- Half the Man He Used to Be
Since McCartney’s separation from Heather Mills in May of this year, it has been a May to September (October, November, December) nightmare. This whole business started with the couple saying “our parting is amicable,” but sometime during the summer, the barristers and attorneys remembered that the Beatle was worth a cool $1.5 billion. Yes, McCartney was worth $1.5 billion, because after this is over, that amount will be much smaller, perhaps half. Lawyers are terrible at math and can only divide by two. Mills and her legal team didn’t write the song “Can’t Buy Me Love,” but they are working on perfecting the familiar modern tune that goes, “What Can Love Buy Me?” The tables have turned since Henry VIII. The ax no longer falls on the ex-wife’s neck, it falls on the assets. There’s no blood, but something even worse: lawyer’s ink.
