New Book Offers Parent to Parent Tips on Divorce

Courtesy of LSJ

Advice from parents on children and divorceGoing through a divorce? Here’s some advice on children and divorce from the book “You Can Keep the Damn China! And 824 Other Great Tips on Dealing With Divorce” (Hundreds of Heads Books, $13.95), straight from people who’ve been through it themselves:

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“During a divorce, children can make life seem worthwhile again. But you have to put on a happy face for them. It’s not their problem that their parents are no longer together. Make sure their lives remain positive and good and that you don’t create a poisonous atmosphere for them.”
- F.R., Sydney, Australia, married 17 years, divorced 2 years

“In Vermont there’s a rule that if you have kids and want to get divorced, you have to take a Divorcing Parenting Class at the courthouse. The guidelines, as acted out by the two teachers and portrayed in a special video, demonstrated tenets like, ‘Don’t use the kids as messengers,’ ‘Stay focused on the kids and what cool things they’re into,’ and ‘Don’t disrespect the other spouse (present or absent) for the kids’ edification.’ ”

-Arch, Londonderry, Vt., married 18 years, divorced 1 year

“I have never been more scared in my life than when I had to tell the kids that their father and I were splitting up. You have to stress to them that they are loved tremendously by both parents, that they will continue to see both of you, and that the divorce had nothing to do with them whatsoever. Kids tend to blame themselves for this stuff.”

- Angie Bullock, Barrelville, Md., married 10 years, divorced 4 years

“If you have children, pay attention to them during the divorce, because they are going through a harder time than you are.”

- Joe, Long Island, N.Y.

“Use child-custody mediation. It forces parents to work together to devise a plan that is acceptable to both of them. This plan may be very structured, specifying the day-to-day time-share of the children, as well as plans for holidays, vacations, and other special issues of the family. You can avoid the battles that are so damaging to kids, and you can include the kids in the decision-making. The last thing I wanted was for my kids to think my husband and I were fighting over them. This way they had some say in how we handled it, and they both told me afterward how happy they were about that.”

- Audry Wisneski, Sewickley, Pa., married 14 years, divorced 1 year

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Comments

if i’m reading this book in bed, do you think my wife will get suspicious?

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