How Men Get Screwed in Divorce

 UPDATE: In light of the ongoing popularity of this article and the passionate opinions of my readers, I have dug up this post from the archives and re-published it. Thank you all for your comments.

Men and DivorceI found the following article at AskMen and thought that it was time the Man’s voice was heard:

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Nothing can dishonor a knight like divorce. Just look at Sir Paul McCartney, a man whose iconic name has been flung in the mud over his recent marital collapse, with accusations of abuse sullying his reputation. He was fooled by the honeymoon phase and now he can really say, “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.” But hey, he’s not the only one. It’s no wonder chivalry is dead. Supposedly seven out of 10 divorces are initiated by women. While there are no hard statistics, wouldn’t you agree that maybe nine out of 10 marriage proposals are also initiated by women? A study done by two men named Kuhn and Guidubaldi found that a “gender bias” in the court system makes divorce an inviting idea to the ladies. Why wouldn’t it? Women tend to keep the kids, the house, the dog, the car, and half the property. They get to keep the rock, too. This suggests that not only are men getting screwed by the marketing of the De Beers diamond corporation during the engagement, but the actual judicial system is also stacked against guys during the divorce. Everyone suffers during a divorce, but men have a few special issues to deal with, including fallout from emotional investment, lame-duck custody battles, clashes over property, tarnished reputations, and the depressing aftermath. Marriage is not a bad thing, but divorce is like a 10-car pileup in the middle of a man’s life. Here are some of the great life experiences newly divorced men have to look forward to.

Obviously, women don’t set out to be gold diggers, but divorce - like death - can turn otherwise good people into bloodthirsty wolves. Perhaps a few sharks go into marriage thinking of money, but for most women, marriage only becomes a business investment once it has failed emotionally. At first, love is honest, and it comes easy when a man only has his dreams. By the time he owns a German automobile, the thrill is gone. Perhaps she’s laying the landscaper like sod when she has her epiphany: “I could make a lot of money from this sucker. And I deserve it.” In hindsight, taking initiative and working hard — let’s say you wrote a ditty called “Hey Jude” that did quite well — was a mistake. Motivation is like an open sore that invites mosquitoes through the window and into the bedroom. From the kids to the house, men leave a marriage with nothing. In some ways, her feeling of entitlement is a result of propaganda, starting with fantasies that promise an emotionally perfect life. Alas, reality cannot live up to cartoons. Women are trained to find a man with motivation from the beginning, starting with Disney classics like Cinderella (poor rag lures wealth under false pretences), Lady and the Tramp (uppity b*tch-hound hopes to make over motivated mutt) and Sleeping Beauty (catatonic do-nothing wakes up to unearned riches). Thank you very much, Walt.

The term for fathers who are shouldered out of their kids’ lives is “throwaway dads.” A century ago, kids were considered the father’s property, but the historical shift in child-custody cases has turned Dad into a villain. According to Divorce-Lawyer-Source.com, 70% of divorces involving children result in the mother getting custody. Read that again: seven out of 10. If the odds in Vegas were as good as a woman’s odds in court, men could quit their jobs and enjoy a never-ending bender at the Mirage casino. This “throwaway” idea impacts the kids and society. It leads to an increasing number of single-parent households, and if you’ve ever watched the TV show Cops, you’ve seen how it also leads to plenty of wasted government resources when Mother calls in the uniformed men to tell “Junior” to stop sassing her. Since when did the police become daddy to the masses? The answer: Since daddy lost his shirt in court.

Common sense states that the one who made the payments should get the house and car. But this is the 21st century, and common sense has joined the likes of Zeus and Bigfoot as a lovable myth of the past. Sentimental value and emotional attachment have more sway with the judge than a mere 20 years of mortgage payments. Open up Excel, and check to see if Microsoft has programmed a wizard for “sentiment and emotion.” It can’t be calculated. Therefore, overreacting in court and going into histrionics akin to the ending of Hamlet is the best way to plead. Literally, the best supplication wins the heart of the biased black robe. Even if a man isn’t a fan of country music, after he loses his house, he will suddenly understand those depressing ballads dedicated to “Big D” misery. But certain statistics are bigger tearjerkers than music, such as the fact that the average divorcé sees his net worth drop 77%. On a positive note, the wife will probably let the man keep his depreciated pool table, and he’ll certainly have time to brush up on his nineball skills.

A man’s reputation is easily tarnished if the woman even hints of “abuse.” Keep in mind that nothing has to be proven, but the man’s name is immediately soiled like a diaper with pureed carrots. What’s worse is that “abuse” can mean nearly anything. An argument in a relationship could be construed as “verbal abuse,” but the headline will drop the “verbal” and keep the “abuse.” On the flip side, some guys are wifebeaters and deserve to have the book thrown at them, but the allegation of “abuse” has become as loaded as the word “terrorism.” Battery is a crime (as it should be), but a shouting match between two normal angry people cannot be compared to physical abuse. You know what’s next on this slippery slope? A guy will eat some spicy chili, use the john and he’ll be in the slammer for olfactory abuse.

Some states, such as New York, allow the career homemaker to collect alimony for the rest of her natural life. That’s after the kids are grown up and have started their own broken families. The man still has to pay while the ex is couched, Cheeto-stained and catching a rerun of Judge Judy followed by Maury Povich (”You ain’t my baby’s daddy!”). Thankfully, most states aren’t this extreme, and many factors go into determining the proper amount on a case-by-case basis. For example, some men pay month to month, while others pay a lump sum each year. Of course, dads only become “deadbeat dads” when they don’t have the lump on time. They may have forked over a lump of $10,000 for 10 straight years, but that’s all water under the bridge. If life takes a hard turn that men aren’t prepared for, they still have to pay alimony. The horror stories associated with bankrupt men have brought about some change in how alimony works, but each state has different rules, and as such, the divorce industry thrives on the confusion. If the divorced man remarries, alimony owed takes precedence over his new family. His new life will always have a shadow over it, like Frodo and his ring. The good news is that if the ex remarries, the divorced man is freed of his duties. The bad news is that if she just shacks up with the landscaper and “cohabitates,” then the divorced man must continue to pay.

In the post-divorce wasteland, a man will feel like he just crawled out of a bunker after a firebombing. His community is gone and the world is cold. When he walks into his favorite pub, he’s a foreigner. The world hasn’t changed, however — only he has. While he was saying “yes, dear” to dinner parties, he lost track of college football and can’t even remember who played in the Super Bowl last year. The wasteland phase is utterly depressing, and men are prone to making poor decisions in the aftermath. According to WebMD, divorced men are two and a half times as likely as married men to commit suicide. Although women must walk the wasteland, too, they tend to cope with the fallout in a more constructive way. Men go for flings and seek out old flames. A failed marriage is a millstone around a man’s neck, and because men tend to stifle their pain, they suffer alone. Case in point: According to a Yorkshire Building Society study, 56% of divorced men say they rue their failed marriage, while only 45% of divorced women have regret.

Paul McCartney DivorceSince McCartney’s separation from Heather Mills in May of this year, it has been a May to September (October, November, December) nightmare. This whole business started with the couple saying “our parting is amicable,” but sometime during the summer, the barristers and attorneys remembered that the Beatle was worth a cool $1.5 billion. Yes, McCartney was worth $1.5 billion, because after this is over, that amount will be much smaller, perhaps half. Lawyers are terrible at math and can only divide by two. Mills and her legal team didn’t write the song “Can’t Buy Me Love,” but they are working on perfecting the familiar modern tune that goes, “What Can Love Buy Me?” The tables have turned since Henry VIII. The ax no longer falls on the ex-wife’s neck, it falls on the assets. There’s no blood, but something even worse: lawyer’s ink.

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Comments

Here in NJ, divorces take forever and have high court costs. That is, unless the woman decides that she was a victim of a few things. The men are then forced to agree that they the were extremely verbally, physically abusive, etc. just to avoid thousands in court costs over many years trying to proclaim their innocence. I have seen it done, and it sucks.

Mr,

You can tell that you have very narrow understanding of divorce in the united states.

Generally, property is split 50/50, sometimes 60/40 if a gross fault is found.

Women who are CURRENTLY raising children as a stay at home mom, often get the marital property and contents, as well as spousal support during and alimony after the divorce as well as child support. The wife usually will also gain her due percentage of pension/savings/investments acquired during the marriage, however this is not guaranteed. Yes, this is standard and *fair* practice.

HOWEVER, this drastically changes for women who work, even in part time, or for women who’s children have left home.

In these doesn’t automatically get the house, she doesn’t get the vehicles, she doesn’t necessarily get ANY support or alimony even if she only worked at the halmark store on the weekend. I know, I have seen this happen to both my mother and my aunt, and TWO friends, ALL of whom divorced their husbands due real and MAJOR reasons(cheating, stealing, severe drug usage, etc).

Most states do not offer the kind of unending alimony, and even the ones that do it’s terribly hard to get. You can have a career home-maker who’s husband does meth and cheats on her regularly, get’s caught, and it STILL doesn’t mean she’s in the green for the rest of her life! Plus, most men find a way to hide funds, and it’s very expensive to go after them for it.

This whole post is rife with generalizations and a ’spun’ perspective highlighting extreme situations with a seriously skewed view that divorced men have it so hard. What BS. Yes I am a man.

BTW, Marriage is supposed to be for life. If you take a someone’s life to take care of your home, your family, etc, and you are found at fault in the divorce, why shouldn’t you pay alimony for life? What right do you have to start a new family and bail on your prior commitment?

I tell you what, it’s people with perspectives like yours whom are ruining marriage. Geezus. Why not kill off marriage, and simply give everyone civil co-habitation agreements and leave it at that. Kill off the concept of a house-wife/husband/homemaker, and make it a pure business deal.

I’m confused– what’s the end message?

I’m an early 20s male. Should I never get married, even if I think she’s “the one”, because her personality is likely to change down the road? Perhaps it’s wiser to wait and marry later, perhaps when we’re both in our 30s and individually successful?

Please supply some resulting advice. Thanks.

Mike, yes, that’s the end message. Good luck.

It is interesting to look at divorce from the male perspective. However modern divorce has shifted a great deal. Shared custody is more common these days. Alimony is less common and is paid for a limited number of years. Family homes are often sold when assets are divided. Overall, economically women suffer the most economically from divorce. Their standard of living almost always declines, while for men it often improves over time.

OMFG.

“dickrebel”, in spite of what you claim, you are not a man. Technically male, maybe, but your post clearly invalidates the claim.

Where are you getting your made-up statistics? 50/50, sometimes 60/40? Talk about a post “rife with generalizations and a ’spun’ perspective highlighting extreme situations with a seriously skewed view “. You hypocrite! And her “due” percentage of pension, savings, investments? Due by what right? She neither earned that money nor has any inherent moral right to it, especially after she started divorce proceedings that the man didn’t want. And where is your analysis of the man’s right to half of HER money? Curiously absent, but I guess that’s not surprising.

Allow me to answer one of your questions directly; (”What right do you have to start a new family and bail on your prior commitment?”) The prior commitment was rendered null and void when the woman decided to start divorce proceedings. It’s called the right to pursue happiness, guaranteed by the highest law in the land. I might ask you what right a woman has to destroy a man’s life and keep her heel on his neck for the rest of her life?

Yeah, yeah, you have your sob stories about the women in your life who’ve been hurt by divorce. Boo fucking hoo. My mother was divorced too, but she didn’t whine a single day about the support payments that never came - she got on with her life. Anyone who’s talked to several men who’ve actually been through divorce ( as I have ) would tell you to do the same; get on with your pathetic life.

lol. What a bunch of crybabies. I guess it really is true that men today are a far wimpier lot than their great-grandfathers used to be.

I’m Curious,

Anyone ever heard of a guy getting custody of the kids and an ex-wife paying alimony? Especially one these career women who insist on having a traditional male/provider-style consuming career.

I have never heard of this happening ever, but am genuinely interested to learn if this happens, and how often it happens. Does anyone have any first-hand knowledge on this question?

After all, they wanted equality… are they stepping up to the plate & paying alimony until the man with custody remarries?

Mike, get a prenuptial agreement.

I think this article does ignore the point touched on by dickrebel - that when a woman gives up a career to stay at home to take care of kids and house, it affords a man much more time to pursue his own career. In this sense, the courts say that the man’s prosperity is a result of hard work on both his and his mate’s behalf. Therefore, she’s entitled to half of the estate. Even further, her skills in the workplace have often become horribly outdated as a result of raising your kids, so the court might say she needs some job rehabilitation paid for (college, etc). This is sensible, so long as the reverse would be true for a stay at home dad and a working mom.

This article does sound like it’s written by a bitter divorced man, but that shouldn’t take away from some of the valid points he has. We’ve all got horrible anecdotes about friends (men and women) who got screwed. The courts are certainly biased against men in any child custody battle, which is sexist but a reality.

On the whole, my advice to Mike is to get a prenuptial agreement in place if you own assets prior to marriage (such as a home), to avoid loosing your hard-won gains in life. However, if you’re young and have no net worth to speak of, enjoy building net worth with your mate, but don’t be surprised when the court recognizes that you both did it as a partnership.

Paul McCartney’s an idiot. I don’t care how much in love you are, when you’re worth a cool 1.5 billion, you sign a pre-nup. He has a lawyer. That lawyer should’ve had some kind of “standard arrangement” all ready for them to sign before they got hitched.

But that doesn’t mean that other people don’t suffer in divorce like you describe in this article.

No, it’s people like you dickrebel that are ruining marriage. Do you ever wonder why the US has one of the highest incidences of divorce? It’s because in many (not all) states, like California, divorce comes with huge rewards for the woman, and she takes advantage of that. It’s usually the woman who bails on the committment, not the man. Again it varies by state a lot, but in California, men are screwed every time. The woman gets half by default. Even in cases where men and women have just cohabitated for more than 5 years this can happen. It may not start that way, but often it does end up as a business deal. A business deal where the woman wins everything. Hey, I didn’t make these laws, I just live in a world where they exist. I solved the problem by leaving the fucked up USA, but most people aren’t willing to take these measures.

Mike- My advice to you is to consult a lawyer (I know this sounds insane but it can save you a lot of pain in the future). See what the laws are like in your state. Some are reasonable, others aren’t. If you live in a state like California, try to get away with having her sign a prenup. Otherwise your best option is to save up a bunch of money and buy a house in cash under your own name before getting married. Most states divide up only what you’ve made after getting married.

Marriage can also be a good thing, don’t let these fears kill it, but just be careful, it can also ruin your life.

That’s why you gotta just kill the bitch instead. ;-)

I used to love her.
But I had to kill her.
She bitched so much.
I used to love her.
But I had to kill her.
She drove me nuts.
And now I’m happier this way.

Just don’t get married, if she really want to be married more than being with you just dump her.

Men are usually less happy and better off financially after divorce. Women are usually happier and poorer.

A woman who spends 20+ years of her life staying home and raising a man’s children is entitled to alimony, you betcha. He shouldn’t be able to chuck her out with the garbage whenever he pleases, just because he found a newer, 22 year old replacement. And both men and women sometimes seek divorce when everyone could have been better served by working harder to keep the marriage together. You really want to change things for the better, work towards repealing the no-fault divorce laws.

“areyoulily”…Umm, the kids were hers, too right???

I don’t believe in alimony unless the man (or woman) is some high powered exec somewhere…Otherwise, we’re all on the same level trying to make ends meet.

And if the dad has the kids at all…the woman (getting alimony) is just taking money away from the home he is trying to make for them…Meanwhile, she’s using the alimony to sit on her ass and eat cheetos all day…

I believe the person initiating the divorce should be required to produce reasonable proof of his/her financial contributions to the relationship to more accurately determine what he/she is entitled to. And no, being a stay-at-home mom does not qualify as a financial contribution. Spending your days dragging those spawn-of-satan kids around shopping is quite the opposite of financial contributions. Of course, such required proof will never be the standard since it slants more favorably to men. But that’s not because it’s not fair, but rather because many women can’t seem to balance a checkbook, let alone keep some sort of sensible financial portfolio. Apparently, once she gets the rock on her finger, she’s free to give up any notion of fiscal responsibility and accountability.

Before any big ticket items like cars and houses are divided up, the smaller material items not directly related to family/child support should be sold and distributed appropriately. Items like the flat-screen tv, the always-expected diamond ring, and her 80+ pairs of shoes should serve as a real gut check for both parties. Chances are those items were purchased with his money to begin with, so why not start there?

Ladies, try to smarten up a bit. Life isn’t some wonderful fairy tale where your every need, be it emotionally, physically, financially, etc, is catered to. I know that’s what you’ve been taught by people like Oprah, but that’s the result when people value feelings over facts. If you find that your needs aren’t being met, drop some of your needs. Try reading a book or a newspaper or watch something other than Sex and the City and you’ll quickly see that your idea of how perfect your life should be is grossly distorted. The reality is there is no knight is shining armor that comes galloping in on a white horse to save you. And if there is, it’s only in a porno where he ends up cumming on your face. I think I’ve made my point.

You should check it: http://www.violentacres.com/archives/54/the-deadbeat-dad-myth

A really good article describing deadbeat dad myth and why divorce is screwing up your children.

Hmm.. obviously nobody has heard of women paying alimony to men with full custody… no response to this question.

Yet another question, regarding this 2% secret tax that the State helps itself to… I take it that alimony has to be paid to some government authority, and not the ex-wife? I am guessing you would be in just as much trouble (loss of license and jail) if you decided to pay the complete and full amount promptly and without fail to the ex-wife DIRECTLY, eh? You’d soon find out exatly what the caring “Nanny State” really cares about..

Even though Oklahoma is supposed to be a no fault divorce state, anyone is at the mercy of the court, in any state. Divorce court is an opportunity for the judge to work out their own emotional illness at the expense of the already injured parties. A person can suffer horrendous abuse from a truly sick spouse, and invest their entire life to try to make a doomed marriage work, and then lose their entire estate because of a sick judge. I got to keep my parents, and an abusive wife kept our entire lifes accumulation, including two pieces of real estate, and some of my parent’s property. Thank you very much judge Deborah Shallcross. An attorney friend summed it up best, “Wasn’t it worth every penny to finally be free of her?” I had to smile and say “Yes.”

But that does not excuse such derelection of responsibility by the court. I have seen it work both ways where good women get badly abused by the court, and good men as well. Judges are not accountable for their actions. And 98% of appeals fail. And I hear that a prenuptual agreement is only going to hold for 2-5 years if at all. With divorce rate higher than 50% for first time marriages, and over 70% for second marriages, lawyers are the only winners. They become pirates who lie to their clients to escalate the conflict and prolong the battle to increase billable hours.

The idea of marriage again is terrifying enough to cause nightmares.

Wow. I loved my husband and I still miss him, though he left me six years ago after 26 years of marriage. He wanted to “find” himself, though I had no idea he was missing. I worked full time while he went to graduate school and he left just after we were financially solvent.

I only asked for 50% of our assets (fair after a quarter of a century, no?) and I now work full time with benefits. I asked for no alimony. And I am able to maintain a comfortable standard of living.

Oh, I don’t watch Oprah. I’m working when she comes on. And I’m proud to say that I’ve saved for retirement, haven’t squandered my settlement money, and can pretty well survive without a man’s income.

I won’t go into the particulars except to say that I like men, have always liked them, and loved my husband as a partner and friend. He was, in my eyes, the best and the brightest.

I don’t think I’d be tempted to go out with any of you bitter guys. You wouldn’t be tempted to go out with me either because I suspect I’m too old for you. Even men my age consider me too old. So where does this put the sexes? At odds all the time?

Don’t bundle us all together. If you want us to value you for who you are, I would appreciate the same consideration.

Ryan,

In response to your above disgusting attack on stay at home mothers and especially the comment “Spending your days dragging those spawn-of-satan kids around shopping ”

Kind of shows what kind of a man you are now doesn’t it? If your wife left you, it’s no wonder why. You are a truly evil and disgusting human being and I hope that if you did go through divorce that your wife took you for everything and fucked the gardener in your bed.

Some men actually WANT the wife to stay at home. Some women give up their careers to be with their children which is obviously a joint decision or the man would give her the walking papers at that point. And if a woman stays at home for 10 years or more raising the kids then obviously her career skills are dead in the water. So yes, it is the man’s responsibility in that case to give her spousal support. Raising kids is a full time job and one of the most important around. Ever wonder why you see so many screwed up kids? Maybe it’s because they’re being raised by nannies and babysitters or having interaction with sicko fathers like yourself.

I see how some if the guys do the good old buddy system. pat them men screwing around on their wives on the back and buy them a beer. WELL I found out he is SCREWING AROUND and had a kid with his current girlfriend and we have been married for 27 years this year. I think its time to call this off. I did work some when we first were married he was in the service so we moved around. We were married for 5 yrs before I had our first child. WE BOTH agreed I would stay home with the kids until they got in school and I did that. I DID NOT KNOW he was screwing around on me and this is a shock to find out he has been doing it all of our marriage. We still have one child at home and now I am working a full time job AND taking care of our daughter and some of you guys want to say that women that dont have an ” outside job ” just sit around doing nothing? PAY someone to come take care of the kids, do the housework, cook, wash clothes, take care of sick kids and SEE what that is worth. HE is such a lovely man he was sending me checks for 4 months that equalled out to $400 a month gee I can pay our house payment, buy groceries, pay the electric and phone bill and lets see what else I can squeeze out of it.. NOT!! THE HOUSE PAYMENT is 485 a month and I DID NOT have a job at the time. HE is an asswipe and ANY GUY that screws around on his wife deserves to loose everything they have. MINE will be loosing as much as I can take as I have one child still at home and plan on staying RIGHT here. HE was the one that threw our marriage in the trash not me. HE can deal with it and btw his name is mud in the town we live in. NOT because I did it to him but because people with MORALS and comon DECENCY do not LIKE cheaters

Dickrebel do you even know what you are talking about??? You are not a man.

Men clearly get the short end of the stick when it comes to divorce. That is why women file for 70% of no-fault divorces. Do you even understand what no fault means dimwit? It means there is no cheating, abuse, or other significant causes. It simply means the two no longer get along. Then I ask you why do so many women file instead of men? Well I just got out a divorce myself and let me tell you why. They get custody of the kids automatically and get the house, child support and if lucky, alimony for years. They are able to raise a family and maintain similar lifestyles. As for men, not only they have to deal with the emotional trama of being served with a divorce, they have to move out to an apartment and away from their children. Meanwhile, they have to play catch up with the court system. And at this stage, the women have moved on. The intial stage of sympathy evaporizes once they realize, with the help of their new lawyer best friend, they can get so much from you with little effort. It is pure hell for most men to have to go through this. A high suicide rate among divorce men is a key indicator (women have far less).

The entire divorce industry encourages injustice. Why? For the money of course. You see if the divorce settlement is fair then the couple will never come back to court ever again. If you a businessman you know the secret for success is to find repeat customers. Well, in our divorce industry we have plenty of these repeat cusotmers since the divorce settlements are almost never fair. So they come back to court over and over throughout the years.

And the most hypocritic of all is the claim that they are doing this for the ‘best interests’ of the children. What a crack of sh*t. Nothing hurts children more than a broken home. If they really care about the children, they should discourage no-fault divorce instead of making it such a sweet deal for one party.

Dickrebel is an idiot no doubt. He cliams that you made a committment for life so you should support your ex for life. I dont even know how to comment on that. Maybe you should talk to a man who has to pay alimony to a woman who left him for another man.

I would advise against marriage under the current court system at all costs. I survived a divorce after 15 years of marriage. I got custody of my son and I actually get child support. I was able to keep my pensions and I got half the money from my house and the savings. Not many men can say that and yes I feel I got out of the marriage in very good shape and I feel very fortunate. Why would anyone with any sense ever go through that again? What a waste of a year of my life dealing with the court system. Why is this even a debate? Marriage in the US is a failed system. The odds are against success. Second marriage success rates are ridiculously low. After being single three years I can honestly say I am happy. If you want to buy a lawyer a dream vacation, get married. Remember people change over time and all one party has to say is I am unhappy. The other option is you can keep the money for yourself, enjoy life stress free and stay single. The laws will not change as they are too lucrative for our monopolized judicial system. A person is supposed to learn from past mistakes. It is not men or women at fault. It is just a legal system that encourages divorce. No fault equals revenue for you know who. If you want to keep what you earn and be free of the stress of getting divorced, just stay single.

I know a lot of friends of mine whose husbands are in the position of paying a TON of alimony and child support for an ex who refuses to work, and for kids that the ex won’t let him see. It really depends on what kind of woman you’re divorcing.

If she’s a selfish bitch that should’ve never been allowed to give birth in the first place, then yeah, you’re going to pay severely. If you’re divorcing someone reasonable who has an ounce of dignity and pride, she won’t want anything but out.

There’s two sides to every story. With your attitude, you’ll deserve and get another mate and you will replay the life you thought you left behind.

dont get married women change when they reach 30 they want other men and cheat their asses off. If they work watch out because they will eventually become attracted to someone else and cheat on you with no remorse for what they did. The husband will get disrespected in the marriage and will be raped in the divorce!

I am a woman who married someone with three kids. We have been married 8 years and have two children. My husbands ex is a trouble making bitch who has everything and still continues to fight even though it has been 12 years plus since divorce. She will cause 2000.00 in court fees attny. etc just to see him pay 3.00 more a week in child support. She has destroyed my husbands parenting time with the kids and tried to let her husband of 9 years play Daddy. Now she has 3 screwed up girls 15-19years old with low self esteem, bad attitudes and a broken relationship with their father. She put the hatred in them and they can’t even be nice to their 1/2 siblings. If a divorced woman scorned or not scorned loves the children of divorce so much why screw their heads up so much. The courts do nothing about parenting time for non custodial parents. Now its too late. You can’t force a teenager to come over for visitation. Besides why ruin our happy home with hateful and bad attitudes. Last week my step daughter kicked my 4 year old with her foot to remove him from a birthday cake he was getting a taste of icing from. Nice girl! Nothing we have is good enough for them anyway. Why push a relationship at this point. My parents were divorced when I was 12. I am so thankful my mom was not a psycho bitch like my husbands ex. is…..My husband is a great Dad and has always paid medical, dental and support as he should, but she always worries we might actually have a few cents at the end of the week. The bottom line is if you divorce a money grubbing miserable person you will spend a large portion of your life dealing with a constant nightmare. At least he does not have to wake up live in her miserable world everyday. I was open minded before I got married and unfortunately, I seem to have a closed mind. I did adore my step kids until they became young adults and spawned into hateful young women. I’ve been in the same place as them and would have never acted like them…So were not all psyco bitches, but there are plenty of them out there. Peace!

I think the “emotional abuse” card is played way too much by women. “He called me names…he yelled…he took away my motivation…” While I don’t advocate any mercy for physical abuse, let’s get away from this narrow view of mental abuse. How about a woman who hid her financial mismanagement to the tune of about $30,000 over five years and all you did when something curious happened was question something, she’d answer and it would make sense - only until you were around her enough on a vacation to see the psycho behavior? And what, even after you took it over, she failed to work a full 40-hour week as scheduled or set it up to only put in half her income in the direct deposit while you were dumping your whole check in? Amid all this, she has had four cars, I’ve got the truck I had 13 years ago and it’s been wrecked. She’s lazy, irresponsible with money and lies. She’s lucky she hasn’t got one of those physically abusive spouses. Her head would be through the wall! But oh, I call her names and yell and am always angry. I guess I don’t have that right with someone I can’t trust. Shit, I can’t even afford to hire a lawyer right now because of this crap.

My wife initiated divorce proceedings after 23 years of marriage. She wants out, doesn’t love me anymore, and hadn’t for 10 years. The worst part is that she Told me that she had no interest in working at it during that time, and would have left 10 years ago if not for the kids, now 21 and 18. So she deliberately torched my life as well as hers. She now has gainful employment for the first time since I knew her, even though I did everything short of pushing her out the door to go to work. Oh yeah, she wants 45% of my assets even though she didnt do anything to earn them, save them or invest them. And she wants me to support her with alimony so she can sustain her new lifestyle.
She refuses to discuss any of this with me, feels no guilt or regret, and has essentially tossed me out like snot tissue.

So tell me–why should she get alimony when she brought the suit. She leaves and I pay? Ladies, I understand there are cases (adultery, abuse) where leaving is the right thing to do. But too many women mark time, make their husbands miserable and, when the time is right, they leave and feel that they are entitled to the sun, moon and the stars…
in tbenk emOh yeafor thamade absolutely no commitment Madre a5rc

In my experience, it is the good people get screwed. And its our own fault (as a good person) since we marry without paying enough attention the quality of their character. As a man, who suffered through an unjust divorce, I can attest that it is really scary. It is very possible to lose 100 percent of your assets (including pre-marital assets); your ex can leave the state with your children; that if you more to be close to them (say to a small town that does not need your professional skilks) and are not able to make as much money, you can find yourself owning more money each month than you make. Then you get a bonus for $2,000, put it in the bank, write a check $2,000 check to pay half of your back child support, but you find that the check bounces because the child support services has already frozen your account and taken the money. While it did not happen to me: I was nearly at the point where I lost my job since they were going to take away my drivers license for not paying money I did not have. Its really depressing and very hard to pick yourself up and start over again when it seems like everyone is working against you. But most of us eventually make it through to the other side. We learn much about ourselves and through the experience. We learn empathy for other men and for other people going through hard times. Yes, its not fair. Good men usually get the worst of it. But good women also suffer poorly. This is truly something that this culture needs to heal

Some of you talk about knowing the persons character. People change over time. Point Blank. Money and Power change people. The person you meet can be the most honest and sincere person ever, but when you are told that, if he doesn’t pretty much do as you say and the way you want it, then you can divorce him, take up to 60% of his money, and his property, what incentive is there for a women to want to work out the problems.

The reason I am screwed is my why a couple a years ago cheated with her boss, and now more recently is cheating with a women. We have two kids. I have been called all kind of names and physically abused. But because I love my kids I stay in this disfunctional relationship. It is way more and I don’t claim to be no saint, but my point I feel like the only options I have is to continue to take the abuse or file divorce and lose so many things I worked for.

I agree you can’t catagorize every women, but the reality is the system is unfair, and will never be corrected, while women are allowed to work less because of alimony and childsupport and can make ever womens rally that is out there to have laws changed to benefit them or pressure the legal system. If us men were not raised to think of taking care of family first maybe we could find time to protest and have our voice heard.

I think marriage is no longer relevant to society. Women have equal protection under the law, and then some. The legal profession has made an industry out of divorce, so it is unlikely that this will ever be reformed since the legislatures are overwhelmingly made up of lawyers. And of course, the lawyers are usually smart enough to have prenuptial agreements.

I think it ought to cost $15,000 to buy a marriage license. A divorce should only require a 12 minute visit to the court house and a $35 filing fee. Oh, and you get the marriage license fee back (pro-rated, of course) if you divorce.

Remember, marriage is not an emotional institution. It is a legal and binding contract before the law. This is why your credit takes a hit when you divorce. If you go to business school, they will teach you that the first rule is to never start a business with family, friends or lovers. A marriage violates all aspects of this rule…

Hello,

I am a human male who works in the University of Guelph. As you may imagine the university is a prolific generator for mainstream hatred against all men also known as ‘Gender-Feminism’.

Here, a tune is played out that demonizes the human male as the cause of all that is wrong. The double-standardization, polarization and denigration of males vs. females is no longer even just insidious, it is actually now pop culture. Female students well out number male students here, as in most university institutions, yet the male students and tax payers pay for wimmyn’s resource centers, female physics graduate students are paid more than males, wimmyn student paper editors of the ‘Ontarion’ address men as “for those of you that aren’t wimmyn”. Wimmyn’s oppression and misery is apparently only caused by men, the evil of all life, especially white heterosexual males. Recently published in our Ontarion paper was “How to fist a vagina”, obviously implying that a penis is a rape organ and a wimmyn’s fist is the only approved methods of sexual intercourse. I’ll stop here because this all just gets very absurd and too nauseating for lunch hour.

Ironically, wimmyn have the nerve to cry out, “Where have all the good ones gone…?”.
Ladies, you castrated the very men that you cry for. Ladies, you lack logic and not mention compassion for half of the human race.

In light of the insane hatred directed to men and the innumerable male persecutions in divorce court and the general hatred driven against men everywhere I have had a vasectomy and choose my female friends oh so wisely. Using children as a source of income is not my function to deliver and my balls and wallet stay with me.

In honour of the many real men on planet earth.

Sean,
Guelph, On.
CANADA

C’mon people. We’re a nation full of unrealistic expectations so we set ourselves up for failure. Relationships included. No one wants to work hard for anything anymore…..
sad truth is that the children are the ones who suffer and the failed relationship tendencies are passed on from generation to generation.
Do men get screwed in divorce? Probably. but not as much as the kids.

Wow. Lot of different viewpoints here.
I have been through an ugly divorce. I have also been through a kind one where we both tried to be fair. We spoke frequently, made lists of assets and to avoid making the divorce about money (our marriage wasn’t about money so why our divorce be?) we tried very hard to look at putting money values on things as only if we both wanted something. And if we did and couldn’t agree, instead, we used a barter system. (IE: You want this, okay— then let’s do a trade (services rendered, getting me something else in return, etc etc). I wanted to help him and be kind to him and he wanted to do the same.
All of you think about this. You didn’t come into the marriage thinking about what you wanted to get— why should you leave it that way?
Making the end of something a reflection of the beginning of something always is the best course of action.
You loved them once so why be cruel?
There is always a way to find a middle ground (well not always but most of the time) and you just have to try to be creative about it but most of all, fair.

I am truly amazed at the hate… towards women.. and stay at home moms, and bio moms.

If you hate women… do not get married. If you consider children the spawn of satan.. I hope you never have children.

If you cannot support your first family, DO NOT MAKE another family. If marry a man with an ex -wife and children~~ you married his debt to to that family fair or unfair. Being a stay at home mom is hard work, it does not involve tv watching, eating chocolates, or watching oprah.

Divorced, living in near poverty I can freely attest divorce does not serve a middle age stay at home mom of three. Abuse it can happen in all forms and it did to me. I took and stayed that was my crime.I gave any possible career to support my ex in his career. Dads are deadbeats in more ways then just not providing support. They can be just gone in many ways. Support can be dangled like a carrot or for power.. hurting the children hurts the ex wife… some of you have no idea. … and maybe some were mistreated, cheated on.. that is unfair.. and if you lost it all including your children , my heart goes out to you. All of bitter ones… get help… get over it.

Pure hate is the feeling that come from reading alot of the posts.. pure hate… maybe moms get the children in custody because they want the children.. if you pursue your dreams, romance the opposite sex you can not parent full time.. ask my ex that want my kids for block of time when he feel like he can handle it..

Just about every stay at home and single mom I know has unconditional love for their children… along with unselfish heart.Divorce does not make women better off, it does help children, it is unavoidable, but it is no meal ticket for a woman. Alimony does not exist long term, it is very hard to get… and it just enough to keep you in poverty.

Do speak to what you have not lived. There are two side.. the truth is in middle.. but alimony except for maybe the wealthy is next to nothing. Some men abuse and get away with it.. for years. I am sure some men get a raw deal in divorce, and working outside the home is does not mean you own everything.. and should not have to share what you had during a marriage.

True love, and good marriage seem long gone.

Women…do you really think that the court system is fair? Come on you ladies ( I use the term loosely) get to go out and screw till the moon gets pregnant, then we have to pay you to take our kids away from us. Really, that is crap. If I was married I would want my kids to stay with me, no chance in hell of that. So I will never marry, but advise to those that do, frequently remind that whore that there is only one way out of this marrage…death. Women you are money grub whores when it comes to devorce.

I am 37, my parents have been married for 43 years…

my father retired about 10 years ago from a very lengthy career working for the government, and my mother still works - she stayed home early on and raised us 3 boys…once we were old enough to go to school and take care of ourselves in the summer (aka picking strawberries and raking blueberries for our own spending money and getting us out of the house) she went to work in jobs such as a bookkeeper, a factory worker and a receptionist…stuff that a mother in the 70s and 80s could do that wouldn’t require her to travel or have a real career - it was she who had to come get us if we were sick, if we had appointments, if we needed a ride to football practice. Dad was never available for that kind of crap, as he called it - he was too busy with his career. All along, it was understood that it was his job to be the breadwinner and build for their retirement - she needed to concentrate on raising us kids.

and so it went for years, until after we moved out and the cracks started appearing, getting longer, larger and deeper, and the arguments started getting louder and sharper. They weren’t just arguing about little things - it was all out wars over everything. knock down dragouts that occasionally found her getting slapped around.

dad spent his entire adult life doing everything he could to make mom’s life miserable. he gives ‘grudgefucking’ a whole new meaning. She gave some back, but he went out of his way to make sure she felt stupid in front of people, he stooped to lower levels than I’ve ever witnessed by insulting her and carrying on in social settings about “what a dumb fucking cunt” she was. he was always right, she was always wrong. after a time, that wears on a person’s psyche, and her self-esteem was chipped at time and again - when you hear it so often, you can’t help but wonder if the person saying it isn’t right. in her case, this was the situation, and she has always felt unsure of her capabilities.

about a year and a half ago, my father told my mother he wanted her to file for divorce. he pushed and hounded her for days and into weeks to file. finally, she filed. the next day, he gave her papers because he counterfiled. and so began what I can only describe as the most fucked up divorce i’ve ever witnessed. He told all his friends and just about anyone who would listen that she filed for divorce from him. made himself out to be poor dad. my ass.

he spent months preparing for the moment that he pushed her to file for a divorce. it wasn’t until quite some time later, when she was trying to make heads or tails of what was going on that she realized that he’d been siphoning money out of their joint accounts (accounts that he insisted on managing all those years because he was the man of the house and that was the man’s role) and moving it all around - one week there was $9,000 in one of their checking accounts, the next week, $1,500 had gone missing, and the week following another few hundred gone, and so on. cash moved from one account to another, withdrawals were made, deposits made, more withdrawals…looking over the many statements, it was nothing but a dizzying mess. he denied having any money when they were in lawyer meetings - when pressed, he couldn’t tell anyone on what his money was being spent, other than “gas. gas is expensive.” well, he wasn’t driving around enough to fill his tank what would have been 3 times a day for weeks on end to support the amount of money missing.

there’s more - he’d been messing around on the internet - she would try to get him engaged and ask him what he did all day, and he was all secretive and accusatory - “what right do you have to ask me what i’m doing? i’m not doing anything you need to know about.” that kind of thing. strange reactions to simple questions. then they started getting phone calls at home from some blocked phone number, but the person wouldn’t talk - they’d always hang up when mom would answer. she knew. she wasn’t as stupid as he thought. but she accepted it as best she could - why fight it if he wanted the divorce? she told him she figured he was seeing someone - he wasn’t admitting to it. told her she was fucking crazy, she’s imagining shit. kept playing with her head. one night she gets a call from a woman who asks for him - my mother asks who the woman is - this went back and forth a couple of times, till the woman says “forget it, I know he’s not there. He’s right here with me.”

there’s so much more, not enough space.

flash forward to a few weeks ago when the divorce was granted - my mother’s lawyer (a bigger jackass cannot exist) didn’t do very much for her. When all is said and done, of the $1800 she takes home a month, she’s going to lose $500 to pay for the health insurance and other benefits he’s had on her all these years, $500 a month on a new house payment she now has to assume (when theirs has been paid off for a long time), about $600 will go to oil, gas, car insurance, medications, etc. She’ll have the remaining $200 a month to pay for food and utilities. She has about $60K tied up in her own 401(k) and an annuity she started for herself years ago that she’ll have to split 50/50 with him.

He’s going to be pulling in a lot more than her - now that they’re divorced and he’s no longer paying her insurance, he was able to save about $350 a month, all of which he gets to pocket. His monthly income from his retirement is split 50/50, and he’s got a $20K mutual fund that he has to split 50/50 with her. okay, so she has to give him $30K, he has to give her $10K AND he gets an additional $350 a month that she can’t touch….hmmm.

final note. he pushed her into the stove the other day, threw a coffee cup at her head and a plate against the wall. it started because they were arguing - they were supposed to go see a tax specialist together (court ordered) to determine how to file their taxes and he went and had his taxes done on his own…decided not to share with her until a court orders him to how he filed. he got pissed because she asked him how he filed. don’t worry - he spent time in jail and faces a charge of domestic violence. good. it’s the very least he deserves.

to the women out there who are considering leaving their husbands, I urge you to consult the best divorce lawyer you can afford and take him for all you can get and spare absolutely no mercy, especially if you’re in a situation like my mom is - I’m her son, and I know I’ll need to step up to help take care of her, as her lifelong plan was taken away from the man who assured her year after year that this was what it was all for. She’s now on the verge of retirement, and has to find a new home to start over in poverty. He had the advantage of planning this out and making damn sure that he took everything from her that he could. ladies, do the same thing - protect your assets - liquidate what you can and hide it like any guy would do. if you’re not married yet, get a prenup that addresses future income, including retirement accounts, so that you’re not left funding his adventures when he bails on you and leaves you for some skank. think of your own needs first - don’t get sentimental. if you’re at the point of divorce, it’s not worth it to care about his feelings or well-being - he’s not going to care about yours.

Women tend to react emotionally to divorce. That is to say they let their emotions drive their decisions. Case in point, a woman who is the victim of a cheating husband, will be looking for revenge.

Men tend to approach divorce with less emotion and more like a business transaction. That is not to say this is not an emotional event for a man, but history shows that the man has more often received the largest financial impact.

Judges will reace to a womans emotions.

www.DivorceAmmo.com

The below info is only a tenth of what men need to know. As for the hard cold truth about most American women, it IS about money so go into a relationship knowing this. Don’t be fooled and good luck. Here we go:

A man should never agree to marriage without an iron clad pre-nuptual agreement as part of the process. Of course assets are part of the subject but more importantly are fault clauses, even in a no-fault state. Make the cheating whore pay and forget that love nonsense. Get out of it quickly and bring it to an end without making the attorney’s down payment on his new 32 foot sailboat.

In addition, the pre-nup should include “exit conditions” that require legal mediation to close out the marriage. This is a critical clause. No court, no bullshit. Get in, get out.

Have an escape plan other than the pre-nup. If you paid taxes on something, it’s legal and binding. She will get more than she deserves. Whatever you devise as an escape plan, do so before marriage and never, ever disclose it to anyone.

Modern marriage WILL fail at an ever increasing and alarming rate so wake up now.

Go ahead and marry the one you love, treat her well, be a gentlemen and don’t cheat. Even raise a family, but be forewarned that when you begin to reach or have reached you career/income peak, divorvce WILL be on her mind. Taking action is 20 minuts drive-through stop at the closest attorney’s office.

Again, wake the hell up !

Always make love to her like it’s your last time on Earth, everytime and often but plan your future based on the reality that if you have children, you WILL pay dearly to “occassionally” see them and not just in a monetary sense. The depth of this experience transcends what women will ever know. Simply, they just don’t care and only thing natural to an American woman is giving birth (without pain nowadays) and being a money-whore.

All women are prostitutes of some variety and all men are Johns. The offspring are losing.

Are you awake yet ?

Today’s feminism is not what historical women ever wanted but it has become the social modern disease of our times. The woman you think you are in love with until death do you part is a sham. All it takes in this modern feminist climate is for her to get hooked up with a divorcee’ who hate all men and I guarantee the seed to destruction will be planted. They are everywhere - at her work, the gym, friends and worst of all, her mother. She hates men too. All women secretely hate men.

Still want to get married ?

The institution of marriage is completely DEAD in the modern world, but the Human Race is always slow with response to such matters.

Lastly, most men do not want to become massoginists, but feminism has forced many of them into this role, unfairly I might add. Men do want to love only one woman, be faithful, raise a family and remain married for life, but this isn’t reality.

In closing, feminism is truly a gift to men when it comes down to it. Feminism has TOTALLY EXPOSED what women really are and they are ultimately money-whores.

Wow, what a bitter bunch of folks you are. Have you no faith in the human spirit?

You all need a whole bunch of intense therapy and psychiatric lessons on how to love, care and trust again.

Good luck to you. I hope you all find inner peace and happiness, and I hope that you learn enough about yourselves to find functional people with whom you can share your lives, rather than the dysfunctional louts and trollops to whom you seem to be attracted.

And no, marriage does not have to be doomed to failure before it even begins, as long as the two who enter into it are mature enough to handle whatever life throws at them.

For heaven’s sakes, if you intend to make some kind of profound statement, at least proofread or spell-check your ridiculous diatribes.

Cases in point:

1. the word is “misogynists”, not “massoginists”
2. “occassionally” only has one “s” and should be “occasionally”

At least know how to construct your sentences and check your grammar. It makes a bigger impact if your big words are spelled correctly!

There are others, too, but I can tell that most of them are from other contributors who were typing emotionally and quickly…

As for idiots like “Ryan” and “dickrebel” as well as a few others, you fools deserve what you get, and you reap what you sow. If you believe marriage will fail, then it will. If you believe women are money-whores and men are Johns, you’ll find ones who are and you will act accordingly.

If you are of good moral character, are not blind to other peoples faults, and have high expectations of others, you will find happiness
and peace in life.

Vaya con Dios

You need to know, I once thought men walked on water. This girl seems to be the one getting financially screwed. I have always worked hard for my man. Look up the word engaged ( means to me employed) the courts don’t consider the years of engagement. during which time he was able to live here free because of whom I was, all the while he paid off a 19 thousand dollar rental and a 32 thousand dollar car. He lived with me for 4 years before we got married. it IS about money so go into a relationship knowing this. Don’t be fooled and good luck. This man is a money-whore, By the way I owned and operated my own co. it was when I was ready to slow down, and get that rental occupied, for income, It was time for him to divorce.

I totally agree…. The court system is completly BIASED… towards WOman. As written by “dickrebel” above….marriage is supposed to be for life….a partnership (yeah right). But when my wife decided she wanted to leave…..there were no penalties for not following through with her commitment….on the contrary, the court awarded her $1,100 p/month in spousal support and an additional $1,400 in child supprt. She was the one who wanted out of the relationship…..and I am the one left fliping the bill. Now I cannot afford to pay the mortgage and will be forced to sell the house (as a short-sell). How is this justice !!!??? After providing and being commited to our 14 year marriage….I am totally screwed. And that is the reality now days…..the woman is given a free ticket out……no reason required. The American Way… And Justice…for who ???

Poster 44 is absolutely correct. I’ve never married or been in ANY kind of a serious relationship. I’m 30 years old and have known men who gone through 85 barbed wire fences because their closest and dearest grew tired of their relationship and took them for everything in court. Thanks for the warnings!

Men, grow some brains and saw off your balls. Don’t have a girlfriend, don’t get married, run as far from those bitches as you can. Don’t lend money, don’t borrow money. Stay to yourself, work hard at your job and keep all of your money and property for yourself. If you leave a will when you die, give everything to your male friends. Don’t give those bitches a cent.

It is part of female biology to consume their male counterparts. It is an inherent pattern of their behavior. I have never raised a hand to any woman in my life, simply because I’ve been RAISED not to do otherwise. When I hear of a woman being punched, shot, or stabbed, and find out that it was part of a lover’s quarrel, I don’t feel the least bit sorry for her (or him, for that matter).

No, I’m a kid in a situation. And I will tell you that dickrebel obviously knows nothing about divorce. In my situation, my dad cares for us and my mother just wants his child support. That binding marriage you talk about-he tried but how can you do that when you’re wifes cheating in las vegas? Still he waited it out just to wait until we were 18 but eventually just couldn’t. So ignorant people like you who probably no nothing about divorce should get a slap in the face. If you’re so ignorant against men then please visit: Mand8.com.

I tend to agree with the article. I was married for 17 years. Worked hard, 2 jobs to “support” my wife’s lifestyle. For this I was forced to not give half of what I worked for my whole life, but instead half, plus, plus , plus.

I was even forced to pay HER attorney fees. I wanted to settle out of court…She needed Drama.

If a man works hard and supports his wife as I did, he is penalized by having to pay for his hard work. A split should be a split…fairness is not used in courts today

From Fl. 24 years old
They say, it’s Ok. They say, it’ll get better, you’ll get use to it, it won’t feel bad forever. They say, it happens, it’s part of life, it’s normal. They say, kids are tough, parents deserve to find everlasting happiness, deal with it. They say, it’s for the best, it’s not your fault, you just can’t understand, and we are still a family. They say, hey, look over there, that kid is happy, that family did it.
They say everything and anything to make you feel what they feel and they hope you will eventually believe what they say so they won’t feel too bad. Sometimes they pretend you do understand. Sometimes they pretend nothing is different. Sometimes they pretend too much is different to ever make it right again. Sometimes they pretend they are doing it all for your happiness someday.
They try to teach you to share since you can first walk. They try to teach you to be fair with your friends, your sisters and brothers. They try to teach you to give before you take. They try to teach you that you can’t have every single thing you want the moment you want it. They try to teach you patience, self-control, and trustworthiness from the time you are a wee little person trying to figure the world and the people in it out.
They try their hardest to teach you about honesty, loyalty and keeping your commitments when you get older. They have long talks with you about the big C word. Consequences. How every choice you make will have a consequence. How you have to accept them and take responsibility for your own choices. They teach you how you can’t run away from something when it gets hard. They teach you how you can’t quit. They teach you to not always think of yourself first and how to be grateful for all that you do have when you start to think you are missing out on something you want. They teach you that there is always help all around you when you need it.
You know they want to believe what they are trying to teach you. You know they try even harder to teach you all of it, when they have failed at living all of it. They want you to be better, live better and love better. Pretty soon they have made sure everyone agrees with them because they have made it too hard to make any other choice. So then the whole world agrees it is for the best and you just don’t know it yet. Pretty soon you start to fake it and pretend you agree too so you won’t be so alone in how you feel. It almost seems like you a part of the popular crowd now but deep down you know every single moment you are missing from the family you once had, as it passes right by you.
But they get what they think they want and they tell you the cost is worth it because everyone, someday, is happier. Sometimes you think they regret it because they still don’t seem their happiest and they start to seem like some of the consequences really suck. Maybe they start to fake it too. But they won’t say so because they said it was for the best so it must be for the best.
One day they will wonder why you are so far away when they are sitting right next to you. One day they will wonder why you don’t care about anything that is important to them. One day they will wonder why you are so self absorbed, so careless, and ready to give up on anything that once mattered so much to you.
And you can say, hey, it’ll get better, you’ll get use to it, it won’t feel bad forever.

Thank goodness I didn’t own any property at the time of my divorce. However, she didn’t get 50%. No, she got everything. She was allowed to keep family photos, including pictures of my father (who passed away 5 years ago), and anything else.

She loved to use the threat of calling 911 and claiming abuse as a way of keeping me in check. One night, when I didn’t want to entertain her friends because I had bronchitis, she threatened to call. After she hit me repeatedly, I made the call.

Guess who went to jail. This happened before the divorce. Even though I was never charged with any misconduct (because I did nothing wrong), the judge, Commissioner Bobbi Tillmon [Santa Monica] quite often referred to me as “Mr. Wife-Beater” during the divorce.

I had to give up documentation and precise information about my income, while she was allowed to estimate, and gave a lower number to get more money. Then she fought for the minimum visitation and got it. This gave her more money. In a surprise move (to me, anyway), the judge said that my income would be ignored and would be replaced by “what I feel you SHOULD be making.”

It took me 8 years to begin making that amount.

She loved to talk about how “strong and independent” she was, while in the same breath demanding more money.

10 years later, and things have finally settled down over this past year. It’s still a most precarious situation, so I still have to walk on eggshells. Only 5 more years until our son is 18.

These days, it’s women who are doing the chest-beating, talking about their personal power and how equal they are. If they truly want equality, they can start by organizing and fighting for family law reform. However, this will not happen, since they are the ones who benefit from it.

They don’t see that the courts view them as poor, helpless little children who cannot possibly take care of themselves. Or maybe they do, but the money makes it easier to swallow.

They can also accept the same terms when trying to get a job. No more 70% to be a firefighter or police officer. She must also score 100% to pass. No special concessions.

And all of the daughters can register for Selective Service when they turn 18.

Is it really a man’s world?

Marriage is the most lop-sided contract available in America today. Men will sign the contract while in a hampered state of emotional bliss. Really, take a close look. There is nothing in it for men, save for proof of paternity. Those guys who pay child support who were never married have to file a Petition for Paternity, which could take 2 years and cost thousands. Way cheaper to take her to Vegas and get married. That’s what I did.

My current girlfriend and I will never get married, and I have made this crystal-clear. If she needs marriage, she will have to move on. We also have our own legal docs to deal with illness, disaster, and other things that marriage covers. We also keep a spreadsheet of who pays for what (she pays 38% of the bills). This indicates that there isn’t a true 50/50 in expenses associated with our daily lives. We take turns doing laundry, but she does it more often to make up for the remaining 12%. We keep it as fair as possible.

Keeping it fair means not signing unfair contracts.

Another for the men, I was no angel, but she was a lazy, “stay at home mom” that did nothing while she was at home, after I got depressed - from having to work 2 full time jobs to support us, then come home and cook and clean from her lack of doing so (she worked SO hard taking care of our child!) - then over medicated, she walked out while I was hospitalized.

And I get to pay over 1500.00 month for it!

The answer is in many posts, the goddam courts make it too easy and PROFITABLE for a woman to just leave, instead of working on it.

PERIOD!!

Tell that to my ex, who destroyed my 2 businesses and is now being given half my wages as support. I dont even have children with the cunt. Somehow after she left , she suddenly tells the court she wants to be a brain surgeon and I am supposed to pay for her to go to school for 9 years. She lies on almost everything but the worst part of her lies is that she isn’t smart enough to actually come up with them so it must be the lawyer feeding her.

Marriage is dead. If you are a man and you go into court you will lose.

I was divorced 25 years ago. I have NEVER remarried, even though I have been living (without marriage) with another woman for 23 years. I have never regretted my decision, especially when I see how fat and ugly my ex is now. My present companion is great only because she knows I can leave any time. If I was married, she knows she abuse me and get 1/2 of my assets even though she never earned them and she committed adultery with the entire Dallas Cowboy football team.

Marriage is for women ONLY. They are happy when they get married for the same reason a hunter is happy for killing his prey.

Any man that gets married today should start smoking. Both are stupid ideas and both will kill you prematurely.

If you want kids, adopt one and stay single.

I’m a family law attorney who focuses on fathers’ rights. I do it because I know the law is a slow, cumbersome beast and just now, it’s careened off in the direction of women. But that doesn’t mean I buy anyone’s story of being a victim. It’s because the system is a little off-kilter right now and the only way to get it headed a little more to center is to start talking and writing and representing about it.

What worries me is the divisiveness a lot of what I read in “father’s rights” material puts out there. Men aren’t all bad. They also aren’t all good. Women aren’t all saints, but they also aren’t all miserable, entitled @#$#s.

Way back when I was a young ‘un I got a healthy dose of equal rights propaganda. Back then, what it said was we really do need each other. It said everyone deserves to be evaluated on his or her merits, not on his or her gender. Too many women have forgotten that principle. But it doesn’t mean the way to balance out the inequality is to fling hate right back at the place from which it came. It means to stand up, demand to be treated equally, do the best you can from where you are, and be willing to sacrifice like a grownup for your kids, who can’t stand up for themselves.

I’ve been lucky enough to have some clients who put their money where their rhetoric was and who did just that. They keep me honest. They keep me humble. They keep me grateful to be able to serve others like them.

2 dickrebel is a dick. He doesn’t seem to understand that with the rise in feminism in this country, there is a war, a war between women and men and they want to win. They want what the boys have a dick as well as a pussy. They want to have their cake and eat the man’s cake as well. They have figured out that they can screw around and still get everything. In America welfare is mostly for the women who have set it up so that Uncle Sam can now be the husband and the lord of the man’s property to do as he wills by taking the ex husbands property and hard earned money in anyway possible, just as long as the woman can get her way. I know I have been through two marriages and both times I’ve been screwed and lost everything. I guess that stats have some bearing on truth, suicide does seem the best choice for us who can’t get the government to stop taking what is not theirs and have not worked for it, other than listen to emotional women who have a gripe with men because they can’t have it their way. I am sorry for those women that are and want to be true to their marriage, but as the old saying goes “one bad apple spoils the whole barrel”

There is no question, the system favors the women in divorce. That is the reason why women request divorce more then men. There are a lot of marriages out there with unequal incomes. Over time, the inequalities of who brought what to the marriage grow. When they get too large, the woman cashes in. In general, the courts are in her favor. Custody of the child, the ease at which abuse claims are believed, excessively high child support, and 1/2 of the assets that she contributed little too. The price put on the “stay at home mom” for a few years is too high. However, she doesn’t see it this way and feels obliged to take as much as she can get. It’s sick, how many men out there wish they could be “stay at home dads” for a few years.

The imbalance is at an all time high for women today. I don’t advocate returning to the time when the children were the mens property, or the 50’s/60’s seen where women were subservient to men. However, the pendulum has swung too far. This is the reason why women leave men more often then men, because, men would rather stick it out than suffer the consequences. Women have everything to gain.

You can talk about been screw by a woman when you go through a divorce specially when you no even ask for and just been a good father and caring husband all your life but I guess non of that matter wants they decide to destroyed your life and live out of you, yes the system indeed is mess-up and in need for a change because we are now in the 20th century and woman’s are taking over for what ever man did in the pass, is just not fear , and not we are not cry babies like some one said in another comment just place your self in our shoes and will see who is crying I really hope laws change for a more equal treatment for both parties other ways the family is destined to despair and no longer will be family the rule model for society. thanks

“BTW, Marriage is supposed to be for life. If you take a someone’s life to take care of your home, your family, etc, and you are found at fault in the divorce, why shouldn’t you pay alimony for life? What right do you have to start a new family and bail on your prior commitment?”

When she hides money in a bank account, moves property and assets into her name, posts nude pictures of herself on the internet, sleeps with wierdos fom the net without protection and finally asks for divorce and tells you that if you don’t pay her for the rest of her life she will accuse you of abuse and deny you access to your daughter.

Welcome to my world. Married 12 years, two years nursing her through critical illness and 4 year old daughter.

A year after this nightmare I met someone nice and want to have a life. My daughter is stuck with someone who is into unprotected anal sex with strangers (’I was not meant to be with one man’!!!!!!!) and no court in the land will say a word (she is resident in France).

Why should I pay a penny to her?

What planet are you women who cannot accept that the females out there that abuse the divorce system are YOUR worst enemies, childrens worst abusers(my daughter has thrown away her Teddy because he is a boy).

Wise up. No one belives this shit from women anymore - the lie is out.

I am in the process of divorce presently. My experience has not been a pleasant one. Legally and when you marry in general, your family core is now you and your wife. The rest of the family are important, just not part of the same atom you just formed. In my case, it was my mother in law (MIL), wife and sister in law, with me as an electron orbiting their core unit. Aside from the not being able to exorcise the MIL, my wife racked up credit card debit, and has some hording obsession that does not allow her throw anything out. Instead, she binned everything. Very little of this was apparent before I married, save the MIL. Which I thought we had resolved prior to marriage.

All I can say it that by the numbers,it the system is still against man. While there are changes, they are not significant enough to change my perception. From dollars, marital property (I am sure you knew when you got married that your 401k was at risk right? as was your entire life’s work and future), to custody of your children.

maybe im a little none experienced at this marriage deal sence i was only tied for a few years but i am a women on the other end. I paid for everything from start to finish raised a daughter that was not mine, built a home, a life for him and his family and all i got was debt and headache. can’t see my step daughter that i raised, have a mortgage, vehicle, exc. that my ex husband has that I pay for. The court systems help the wrong people if I would have stayed home and been mrs. Betty homemaker and had some kids i would have been better off but i guess thats what happens when you try not to be one of those women that depend on everyone else to take care of them. ( I found out women is not the only one that does this). The court system does not just rule for them either. I found out the weaker link always turns out with the upper hand. At least thats what happened in my case. Im proud to say that I may be paying him now but later I know I can take care of myself while he will be depending on someone else for the rest of his life. Wether it’s his parents or another gold mine that he will suck dry. My point is women are not the only ones that get the better rule.

American women initiate divorce only 70% of the time? That’s it. I’m off to Italy to find a real woman.

Both men and women display themselves as victums with a spouse that is viscious in the court room. I have seen both. But, without a doubt, the courts are pro-women in almost every case I have observed in Sacramento CA. (I worked as a Deputy Clerk for the courts) The truth I believe is this: there is no such thing as dedicated love in the divorce court. What was in the beginng of the relationship is all but gone for survival sake. Both loose. Those most deserving of love are seldom made happy by it. A vanity us fools (me included) still seek but will never achieve. I will face the worst of my fears in the court room by virtue of a mean dominate woman. Her own family members hate her for the same reasons. But, this will be nothing compared to the viscousness the judge will display towards me even though she was arrested for Domestic Violence and received a restrainng order. All will be considered my fault and I will have to pay for her abuse. This is the truth no matter what excuses other women have. The courts are there to destroy men and destroy the american family(sometimes women) - there is no other possible conclusion. However, we have only ourselves to blame for not learning the truth of this.

Another comment: I have a son. Not married to a significant other. She filed for child support in Fairfield CA Superior court. This was granted and paid. She was allowed to leave to South Carolina without regard for the relationship of the Father to the child. She has never been on public assistance. She has always worked. However, she as a battery of attorneys working to collect child suppor and brin my son in for an order of examination about every 3 months. He is paying his court ordered support. He is not allowed to visit at all unless supervised by this viscious woman. The court did facilite this. There is nothing for the man at all. When she grows to 12 or 13: I hope this side of the family can receive her without strings. We WILL repay her for her trechery. And she will know the truth. If that hurts the viscious woman- Tuff S. I hate her for her actions and I am only the Grandfather. Time will be our benefactor. What suffering is caused by the courts for both child and father. The courts stand for injustice.

“How Men Get Screwed in a Divorce” had interesting thoughts and stats. In the divorce world, we need to get over it, and I’m writing a blog to that end called SO OVER YOU. You might enjoy one of my earlier, “I Got Screwed and Didn’t Even Get Kissed.” Thanks, Veronica Dylan.

It doesn’t have to be the way discussed in this article. Check out The Divorce Manual for Men at thedivorcemanualformen.com.

HERE IS MY ADVICE IF YOU WANT TO BE A HAPPY MAN ,,, I HAVE NEVER BEEN MARRIED AND I HAVE THE WORLD BY THE BALLS AND I AM AND HAVE BEEN KICING SUPER HARD AND SQUEEZING EXTREMELY TIGHT

1) DO NOT GET MARRIED, PERIOD ! GET A DOG OR A CAT

2) THE USA LAW / COURTS ARE RUN BY PEOPLE WHO PERFORM A FIXED JOB WITHOUT EXCERCISING ANY INTELLIGENT JUDGEMENT, SO KEEP AWAY AND VERY FAR AWAY FROM THESE TYPES OF PEOPLE

3) JERK OFF AND DONT GET INVOLVED WITH A WOMAN

4) A VAGINA IS NOT WORTH EVEN 1 CENT ,,IT’S ONLY A HOLE !

5) WOMEN ARE ALIENS ,,, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A LIVING BEING THAT CAN BLEED EVERY MONTH FOR SEVERAL DAYS AND NOT DIE?

6)WOMEN ARE USERS THEY WANT YOUR MONEY / ASSETS

7) THEY GET ANGRY AND MISERABLE WHEN THEY GET OLD AND LOSE THEIR LOOKS AND THE DISAPPOINTMENT GET VENTED ON YOU

9) THEY DONT WORRY ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS, INSTEAD THEY WORRY ABOUT PERFUME, THEIR HAIR, MAKEUP, CLOTHES, SIMPLY THEIR MAIN FOCUS IS HOW THEY LOOK,,, THEY THINK WITH THEIR VAGINA

10)STAY VERY VERY FAR AWAY FROM COPS ,,, THEY ARE THE BIGGEST ASSHOLES ON THE PLANET ,,,, IF THEY HAD BRAINS THEY WOULDN’T BE COPS ,,, THEY WILL TAKE THE WOMANS SIDE NO MATTER WHAT ,,,,

11) LISTEN TO MUSIC AND OR LEARN HOW TO PLAY MUSIC

12) NO MATTER WHAT GOES WRONG IN THE WOMAN LIFE IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT

13) I REPEAT, GET A CAT OR A DOG

14) ONCE AGAIN DONT FUCKING GET MARRIED,,, IT’S A MISTAKE

15)STAY AWAY FROM ANYTHNG OR ANYBODY WHO IS INVOLVED WITH ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH COURTS, COPS, JUDGES ,, ITS A SET UP SCAM AND YOU WILL PAY WITH YOUR LIFE ,,,

16) ( TRUST ME ON THIS ONE ) NEVER GIVE YOUR TRUST AWAY BECAUSE YOU’LL END UP PAYING UNTIL YOUR DYING DAY

I would say that probably fathers are the most affected by divorce. As in this article, most of the time custody is granted to the wife (which should be, I have to say) but there are several legal resources used by the ex-wife to prevent the father from participating on the childrens life.
It’s not uncomon that father get hit by restraining order preventing them to be involved on their childrens life, not to say it threats the rights of freedom as a restraining order can lead to jail time if violated.
For that reason, several organizations have emerged in the last couple years to fight for fathers rights. On top of my mind I can remember, fathers for justice, Kids Come First Coalition. Also some interesting tips on how to fight a nasty restraining order (sorry to promore it here but if you need, check out www.restrainingorder911.com).
best

So she screws the gardner, then moves out. Goes sycho on antidepressant and booze. Even though she has a restraining order agaianst her she comes to my house,punches and pushes one daughter to the floor and kicks my other daughter in the knee. Goes to jail and claims she was assualted by the sheriff. Now her elbow is ruined and still she gets a new doctor every 4 months to say she can not work. I have the kids, house,bills etc. I have custody 90% and her 10%. before last week I was paying her 1355.00 per month for vaginamony. I was recieving 18.00 per month for child support. Now that her disability money ran out, I am paying her child support. Not sure on the figures yet but combined vaginamony and child support I am now paying her close to 1900.00 per mo. The female judge always states that what is most important is the children. W.T.F

Why would she ever want to get a job? 1900.00 tax free.
As far as me I figuire 3-4 months I will be bankrupt,forclosed on, and would have sold every thing I have work my ass off for 25 years.

Just remember one, She only wants whats best for the child

men get screwed, the women take 1/2 your posessions during the split, then are entitled to 1/2 your net pay for the next ??? years, if you have kids and are paying child support you will never be able to save one penny until the kids are done university (which the man has to pay for) and if you are paying alimony. good luck ever saving, you’ll be living on the streets in your old age. Don’t beleive women who say they get short-changed in divorce. That is only true when there is an absentee father / ex, who hides for the reat of his life and doesn’t pay anything. MOST men, pay what the court orders them to pay and are impoverished and childless fathers for the rest of their lives. It is a travesty what is happening to good men. If this were happening to women they would be marching in the streets screaming about this at the tops of their lungs every day!

Someone wrote above “to the women out there who are considering leaving their husbands, I urge you to consult the best divorce lawyer you can afford and take him for all you can get and spare absolutely no mercy”

That about sums up how divorce is viewed by many. Even if she was the cheater/abuser (as many women are), and he was decent hard-working man, women know they can “take him for all he’s got”.

After divorce most women don’t work full-time, because they don’t have to, they have loads of tax free cash falling into their laps. And their ex-husbands become their slaves for life. I thought slavery was abolished? Guess not.

I’ve been getting pushed around for over 9 months now with anything you could imagine. I wouldn’t leave the house so she had me served with a BS temp restraining order that said I was a danger to her & my kids. (her parents were comming in town from Michigan w/ nowhere to stay & no money so she had to get me out of the house somehow)
Then she dropped all of the BS accusations at the hearing for the temp restraining order because she had nothing to back up her accusations.(her parents were already in “my” house by then)
When my visitation days came up she kidnapped the kids and I found out later that she went to CPS and tried to tell them that I did something bad to my daughter just so she had some BS reason to tell the cops when I reported her violating my visitation.
For 3 weeks in row she took my kids away for 5 days at a time that I may never see again. That’s 15 days that I may never get back with my 2 & 4 year old.
I WILL NEVER GET TO HAVE THAT PART OF THEIR LIVES BACK. AT THAT AGE, 15 DAYS OF VISITATION WHICH WAS OVER MORE THAN 1 MONTH, IS LIVE 5 + PERSONALITIES AND PHASES THAT I WILL NEVER GET TO SEE OR INVOLVE MYSELF WITH.

WHO THE **** FUCK **** IS EVER GOING TO HELP THE FUCKED OVER FATHER.
MY WIFE CHEATED ON ME, HAD COMMITED INSURANCE FRAUD TWICE, ACCUSED ME OF RAPING HER(REVENGEFUL BS FOR CALLING THE POLICE WHEN SHE BROKE INTO THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS W MY KIDS FOR THE 1ST TIME IN 2 MONTHS), ASSAULTED MY NEW GIRLFRIEND, TURNED ALMOST MY WHOLE FAMILE AGAINST ME SINCE SHE WAS THE FIRST ONE TO “LIE HER ASS OFF”. APPARENTLY THAT WAS THE KEY.
APPARENTLY IF YOU LIE FIRST, EVERYONE BELIEVES YOU.

***BOTTOM LINE IS THAT I JUST DID THE MATH TO DETERMINE WHAT % OF MY CHILDRENS’ LIVES I GET TO SPEND WITH THEM UNTIL THEY TURN 18.***

*************** 11.904 % *****************
Granted, that does not include the extra days I am “supposed to get”. Like the week during Spring Break, and the month during the summer. I have to go back to court because my EX has been making up her own rules since we split up.
I’m working on gojng to court for her “contempt of court” violations but what else can I do to make her STOP or at least scare the hell out of her?

PLEASE TELL ME THAT IF YOU WERE A SUPREME COURT JUDGE AND YOU SAW THE MATH OF VISITATION FOR GOOD FATHERS THAT WERE PAYING THEIR CHILDSUPPOR, YOU WOULD NOT SEE THAT THE % OF THEIR CHILDRENS’ LIVES THEY GET TO BE A PART OF IS ****BULLSHIT****.
WHEN THEY GET TO THE PEARLY GATES THEY ARE GOING TO BE TURNED AROUND AND POINTED DOWNSTAIRS TO “HELL” FOR HAVING NO FUCKING SOULS.

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!
HOW CAN THIS BE LEGAL?????

Bottom Line men get screwed in more ways than one. My wife Cheated lied and stole, however she got more than half of everything. I got stuck with 65% of the debt. She has a college education and I do not She got the kids because I work nights. plus 1000.00 a month in child support. I seldom get to see my kids. She has bad mouthed be to the point of brainwashing my kids into thinking Daddy is a bad guy because he has to work all the time to pay her freaking support. Now she has a higher paying job than i do and still she is a blood sucking whore .

Ladies, a piece of advice from a divorce man. I was a good husband, never lied, cheated, good father, etc., she left me anyway. To add pain to misery, she used the legal system to hurt me as much as possible - lied, manipulated, made false allegations… you name it, she did it all the way through a trial. In the end she made me hate her more than I’ve ever hated anyone (BTW, I’m not someone who easily hates). Ladies, before you extract your pound of flesh from your hubby, remember if you don’t treat him fairly during the divorce he will hate you back… forever… which is too bad for the children you both brought into this world. He will wait for his chance to get even until the day he dies. Operate with integrity ladies… “being vindictive” will only result in a bad scenario for everyone… afterall ladies as much as you think the divorce is “all about you”… it’s not; more than anything it’s about your children, your family, his family and the good years you had together… the family you built. He will hate you… he will ignore you… at graduations, marriages, special events of your children… the rest of your life you will pay in bad feelings coming your way and your kids, grandkids, and other family members will be caught in the middle. If you want a divorce, tell him so with caring and respect… work together to separate amicably… keep your kids and families in mind and most of all remember “it’s not all about you.” In the long run you will be glad you did, trust me.

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