Divorce Rate Soars for Older Couples
According to Edmonton Journal, Statistics Canada has reported a disturbing increase in the number of older couples who are opting for divorce.
Between 1993 and 2003, Canada’s overall divorce rate fell by more than 11%, led by declines of over 40% among people in their 20’s and close to 30% among people in their 30’s. While divorce among couples in their 40’s rose slightly, the rate jumped 34% for those in the 50-54 age group. Among those aged 55-59, it reached a staggering peak of 47%. For those in their early 60s, the increase was less, but it still stood at 31.7%. Among seniors, it fell further to 9.2%.
Edmonton psychologist Al Riediger attributes the greater frequency of divorce among older Canadians to a weakened commitment to marriage as a life-long promise and more increased financial affluence on the one hand, and a heightened desire “to look after their own best interests” as individuals.
“Quite often people stay together for the kids,” he told the Journal. “When the kids are grown and on their way, Mom and Dad look across the table at each other and say: Why are we here?”
Riediger suggests that in the past, unhappy couples would often stay together for financial reasons, but that is less common today because people are more affluent.
Fellow psychologist Shirley Vandersteen suggests an additional reason why people in their 50s and 60s are divorcing more often.
“I think part of it has to do with the way relationships have changed over the years,” she says.
Thirty years ago marriages tended to be more traditional and a lot of people in their 50s are caught in that transition, she says.
“One person went out and worked while the other stayed home and raised the kids and looked after the house,” Vandersteen says.
“Now people are looking for more. Both partners commonly want careers and a life outside the home and they also want an emotionally intimate relationship.”
Both sides of the equation lost something important in the old arrangement, she suggests. Many women lost a chance to develop and many men missed out on a full relationship with their children.
“I have seen many men in therapy who feel they have mainly provided money but missed out on other things. I see women who are tired of taking care of everybody.”
Dave Quist, executive director of the Institute of Marriage and Family Canada, sees a connection between the higher divorce rate among Canadians in their 50’s and 60’s and the shift in social attitude toward marriage and divorce that began around 40 years ago.
“Canada’s Divorce Act,” he pointed out, “became law in 1968, a time when many of these people were getting married. In 1985, the law was changed to include no-fault divorce.” Quist added that this shift away from the permanency of marriage among older Canadians could also account for the declines in the divorce rate among younger Canadians, as more and more couples now see no need to get married before deciding to live common-law.
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I am in my 40’s and can’t stand my husband of 15 yrs. We have nothing in common and he has been mentally abusing me for years! I wish i could leave but we have a 4,000$ mortgage and i have a nice car and my 12yr old treasure: our son. If i leave, where would i go? Everything is under his name. He would take the car… My son is used to a great financial life and my husband, being self-employed, reports little yrly. income to where he would only provide me 500.oo$ mo. for my son . (He has prepared himself for the day if i do leave ) I have not worked in yrs and i am almost 50yrs old. I am tired… tired of wondering when will I leave??? I have been wanting to leave for years!!! I stay because of my son and that’s it * Any advice??? E-mail me at febeel@sbcglobal.net